The Monikins

by James Fenimore Cooper

I stopped to hear no more, but in a minute was flying towards the centre of the square. It was easy enough to perceive the tail of my friend waving over the crowd; but grief and apprehension had already rendered his countenance so rueful, that, at the first glance, I did not recognize his head. He was, however, still in the body; for, luckily for himself, and more especially for the success of his principal counsel, the gravity of his crimes had rendered unusual preparations necessary for the execution. As the mandate of the court had not yet arrived—justice being as prompt in Leaphigh as her ministers are dilatory—two blocks were prepared, and the culprit was about to get down on his hands and knees between them, just as I forced my way through the crowd to his side.

“Ah! Sir John, this is an awful predicament!” exclaimed the rebuked Noah; “a ra’ally awful situation for a human Christian to have his enemies lying athwart both bows and starn!”

“While there is life there is hope; but it is always best to be prepared for the worst—he who is thus prepared never can meet with a disagreeable surprise. Messrs. Executioners”—for there were two, that of the king, and that of the queen, or one at each end of the unhappy criminal—“Messrs. Executioners, I pray you to give the culprit a moment to arrange his thoughts, and to communicate his last requests in behalf of his distant family and friends!”

To this reasonable petition neither of the higher functionaries of the law made any objection, although both insisted if they did not forthwith bring the culprit to the last stages of preparation, they might lose their places. They did not see, however, but a man might pause for a moment on the brink of the grave. It would seem that there had been a little misunderstanding between the executioners themselves on the point of precedency, which had been one cause of the delay, and which had been disposed of by an arrangement that both should operate at the same instant. Noah was now brought down to his hands and knees, “moored head and starn,” as that unfeeling blackguard Bob, who was in the crowd, expressed it, between the two blocks, his neck lying on one and his tail on the other. While in this edifying attitude, I was permitted to address him.

“It may be well to bethink you of your soul, my dear captain,” I said; “for, to speak truth, these axes have a very prompt and sanguinary appearance.”

“I know it, Sir John, I know it; and, not to mislead you, I will own that I have been repenting with all my might, ever since that first vardict. That affair of the lord high admiral, in particular, has given me a good deal of consarn; and I now humbly ask your pardon for being led away by such a miserable deception, which is all owing to that riptyle Dr. Reasono, who, I hope, will yet meet with his desarts. I forgive everybody, and hope everybody will forgive me. As for Miss Poke, it will be a hard case; for she is altogether past expecting another consort, and she must be satisfied to be a relic the rest of her days.”

“Repentance, repentance, my dear Noah—repentance is the one thing needful for a man in your extremity.”

“I do—I do, Sir John, body and soul—I repent, from the bottom of my heart, ever having come on this v’y’ge—nay, I don’t know but I repent ever having come outside of Montauk Point. I might, at this moment, have been a school-master or a tavern-keeper in Stunnin’tun; and they are both good wholesome berths, particularly the last. Lord love you! Sir John, if repentance would do any good, I should be pardoned on the spot.”

Here Noah caught a glimpse of Bob grinning in the crowd, and he asked of the executioners, as a last favor, that they would have the boy brought near, that he might take an affectionate leave of him. This reasonable request was complied with, despite of poor Bob’s struggles; and the youngster had quite as good reasons for hearty repentance as the culprit himself. Just at this trying moment the mandate for the order of the punishments arrived, and the officials seriously declared that the condemned must be prepared to meet his fate.

The unflinching manner in which Captain Poke submitted to the mortal process of decaudization extracted plaudits from, and awakened sympathy in every monikin present. Having satisfied myself that the tail was actually separated from the body, I ran, as fast as legs could carry me, towards the hall of the twelve judges. My brother Downright, who was impatiently expecting my appearance, instantly arose and moved the bench to issue a mandamus for a stay of execution in the case of “Regina versus Noah Poke, or No. 1, sea-water-color. By the statute of the 2d of Longevity and Flirtilla, it was enacted, my lords,” put in the brigadier, “that in no case shall a convicted felon suffer loss of life, or limb, while it can be established that he is non compos mentis. This is also a rule, my lords, of common law—but being common sense and common monikinity, it has been thought prudent to enforce it by an especial enactment. I presume Mr. Attorney-General for the queen will scarcely dispute the law of the case—”