“I would lick both of these young blackguards, Sir John, without remorse, break the sword and broom over their heads, kick their sensibilities till they couldn’t see, and take my course for Stunin’tun, where I belong.”
“Yes, sir, this might do with the Savoyards, who are young and feeble—”
“’Twouldn’t alter the case much if two of these Frenchmen were in their places,” put in the Captain, glaring wolfishly about him. “To be plain with you, Sir John Goldencalf, being human, I’d submit to no such monkey tricks.”
“Do not use the term reproachfully, Mr. Poke, I entreat of you. We call these animals monkeys, it is true; but we do not know what they call themselves. Man is merely an animal, and you must very well know—”
“Harkee, Sir John,” interrupted the Captain, “I’m no botanist, and do not pretend to more schooling than a sealer has need of for finding his way about the ’arth; but as for a man’s being an animal, I just wish to ask you, now, if in your judgment a hog is also an animal?”
“Beyond a doubt—and fleas, and toads, and sea-serpents, and lizards, and water-devils—we are all neither more nor less than animals.”
“Well, if a hog is an animal, I am willing to allow the relationship; for in the course of my experience, which is not small, I have met with men that you might have mistaken for hogs, in everything but the bristles, the snout, and the tail. I’ll never deny what I’ve seen with my own eyes, though I suffer for it; and therefore I admit that, hogs being animals, it is more than likely that some men must be animals too.”
“We call these interesting beings monkeys; but how do we know that they do not return the compliment, and call us, in their own particular dialect, something quite as offensive? It would become our species to manifest a more equitable and philosophical spirit, and to consider these interesting strangers as an unfortunate family which has fallen into the hands of brutes, and which is in every way entitled to our commiseration and our active interference. Hitherto I have never sufficiently stimulated my sympathies for the animal world by any investment in quadrupeds; but it is my intention to write to-morrow to my English agent to purchase a pack of hounds and a suitable stud of horses; and by way of quickening so laudable a resolution, I shall forthwith make propositions to the Savoyards for the speedy emancipation of this family of amiable foreigners. The slave-trade is an innocent pastime compared to the cruel oppression that the gentleman in the Spanish hat, in particular, is compelled to endure.”
“King!”
“He may be a king, sure enough, in his own country, Captain Poke; a fact that would add tenfold agony to his unmerited sufferings.”