“Be quiet, Ben,” I told him, wondering about Leon and about what the General might hear.
But a surgeon came then, and a nurse. They examined him again, tried various things, shook their heads and tried other things ... something else ... a shot in the arm when Ben began to moan....
He began to talk again, rambling from one thing to another, his speech a mumbling almost unintelligible, although I could understand the trend of it. “All that fight for nothin’ ... I’d ’ve killed Chilblaines ... like to get hold o’ the Dutchman that sent that shell over ... God, I’d like to fight somebody ... just fight ... fight.... Gonna fight again when I get back home, Leony....”
The attendant heard this last and said, with a funny smile on his face, “Big boy, there won’t be any fightin’ where you’re goin’.” And he turned on his heel and went away, the General following him and demanding that something be done.
“What’d he say, Leony?” Ben asked, and, because I couldn’t answer him, I dropped down to my knees and buried my face in his arm. I couldn’t keep from crying, but I guess Ben was the only one who heard the sobs and knew that I was shaking like a leaf in the wind.
He tried to lift his hand to pat my shoulder, but he couldn’t. “Leony ...” he mumbled. “Damn yer soul ... don’t do that!... Don’t do it, I tell ya! Yer brother said you was a girl ... now I know it.... Don’t do that!... Ya’d be a damned good soljer if ya didn’t cry, Leony.... Don’t do it, Leony!... I can hear yer heartbeats.... Member that song.... Sacré nom de nom de nom ... just like heartbeats, Leony.... O-o-oh ... don’t ... don’t do that....” He gave a gasp. I felt his muscles twitch. “Funny damned thing ... Leony ... I’ll tell ya bout it ... later ... Leony ... the lights ... the lights ... Leony! ... the lights ... they’re goin’ out ... O-o-o-o-h, God!” A gasp like a great sigh of relief. The arm against my head dropped away.... And Big Ben had gone west.
I drew back and stared dumbly at him. The attendant came back, looked closer, felt the pulse, the heart, pulled the blanket over the strong homely face. I stumbled away, passed the General without a word, and went out into the rainy night. I thought I should burst into tears and I wanted to find a secluded dark corner that would let me cry fearlessly. But when I found a place, my grief-ridden eyes stared up into the flashing sky, and no tears came. If I could have died that moment, I would have been happy. Esky came to me and snuggled under my arms. He knew what had happened, and Ben had been a good friend to him.
My mind was dazed, my senses numbed by this awful unexpected, unnecessary loss. I could not weep, nor could I speak with any degree of certainty that what I tried to say would be said, but I finally went back into the hut, where the General met me.
I tried to say something. My lips must have quivered, for the General put his arm around my shoulders and I heard him telling me, “I know how you feel, boy.... Terrible to lose your best friend like that ... terrible!... Did he have any folks, do you know?”
I shook my head. Ben had told me once that he didn’t have anyone who cared whether he lived or died.