"Whereupon Mr. Jack Slingsby, being an Englishman, and knowing no better, believed he might play pranks upon the Irish; and seating himself in his quarters next day, he assumed his pen and dispatched the following card to every house in the town:—
"'Lieutenant Slingsby, of H.M.'s 6th Foot, presents his compliments to the ladies of Kilkenny, and takes the earliest opportunity of announcing his arrival. He begs to inform them that he can play whist, casino, and every game on cards known in Christendom; that he flirts to admiration, and can polk, waltz, and dance the varsovienne ditto, that generally he can accommodate himself to every whim-wham of the charming sex, and is always to be heard of at his residence in the infantry barracks.'
"Among others he rashly sent one of these precious circulars to Mrs. Towler, the wife—I beg her pardon—the lady of the major-general of the district, who wickedly handed it to her husband at breakfast; so poor Jack's production brought him before a general court-martial. It went very hard with him, for the irascible general deemed that his wife and her ten highly-eligible daughters were grossly insulted; but our hero escaped with a reprimand, and the colonel was directed to watch his conduct in future, but he became thereafter the lion of Kilkenny and Carlow to boot, and all the district from Roscrea to Clonmel. After that, an evening party without Jack, would have been like a bell without a clapper."
"But the general never forgave me for that prank," said Jack, good-humouredly; "and he was always on the watch for me afterwards."
"You remember how nearly he had you booked for another court-martial on a race day?"
"And how nicely I outflanked and outwitted him! It was the day of the principal races; I had a horse to run, and more than half the regiment had made a heavy book on him, and a great amount of paper was expected to change owners on the issue. The lord-lieutenant was to be there, and I was all anxiety to be present at the race, when, as the devil or the adjutant would have it, I found myself in orders the day before—orders for guard! Everybody was going to the course, and not a soul for love or money would take my duty; so with a heavy heart I paraded in the morning; and as the time for the start drew near I saw all our fellows bowl out of barracks in drags and cars attired in sporting mufti and in high spirits. Then came old General Towler, commanding the district, in his blue frogged coat, and with the sabre which he had wielded at the passage of the Bidassoa, Mrs. General Towler, several Misses Towler, all demoiselles of mature age, and the A.D.C. Horatio Towler, captain of a regiment which he never saw, for he wisely preferred his mamma's drawing-room in Kilkenny to broiling on Cape Coast. They all scampered out, then the barrack gates were shut, and all became very quiet and still.
"No sound stirred in the empty parade-yard, for no one was abroad; the sun was scorching and the sentinels stood in their boxes. I thought of the buzz, the glitter, the fun and frolic, the cold fowl, the iced champagne, the brandy and soda-water, the flirtation on the roof of a drag, on the rumble or the dickey—all the excitement and enthusiasm of the races, and more than all, I imagined how my nag would look when the exulting grooms drew his cloths off, the jockey in blue and white colours, and fancy painted him scouring like a whirlwind round the smooth green course, and beating Flying Dutchman, Lady Fanny, Albert, and all the rest of them hollow. As the time of the start drew nigh, my excitement and longing increased, but I knew too well the danger of absenting myself from a guard. I knew, moreover, that old Towler, who spent half his life in laying traps for subalterns (ensigns being his peculiar aversion), was daily furnished with a card, whereon were written the names of the officers on garrison duty, and he had seen me on guard as he passed out. The barracks are so empty, I'll never be missed, thought I, and may steal to the course in the crowd. So, as the distance was short, I hurried off on foot and in full uniform just as I had paraded for duty, with my sword, white belt, and shako. Lost amid the wilderness of tents, stalls, thimblers, and rolypoly men, carriages, gigs, cars, and vehicles of every kind, I reached the grand stand, or rather its vicinity, and was eagerly looking about for my horse as the bell had rung at the starting-point, and the race had begun long since, when I heard a tremendous cheer, and saw my own jockey borne past me, shoulder high. Blue and white had won! In my excitement and confusion I forgot all about my uniform, and was pushing, jostling, and fighting my way through the delighted mob, when the basilisk expression of two fierce grey eyes that peered from under their shaggy brows arrested me.
"Heavens and earth! I was close to the carriage of old General Towler, and there he sat, sullen as Jove upon his throne of thunder clouds, scanning me and his card,—the fatal detail card, alternately.
"'I am done for!' was my first thought; 'I have won the race, but lost my commission; he has nailed me at last!' and my heart sunk, as I thought of the too probable consequences of a second court-martial.
"'To the barracks,' I heard him say imperiously, and I knew in a moment that he was deliberately driving off to turn out the main guard, and thus to prove me absent therefrom. I felt that I was lost—that my commission, the pride of my heart, was gone; and had not a happy thought seized me, I should not have been here to night. Just as the carriage turned round, I sprang up behind it, and stood there unseen, but stooping low, because the roof was open.