'"No," said I sadly and savagely; yet I could have enlightened him as to the situation, had I chosen, but unless I could have ensured his silence with regard to Bella, to do so might have made matters worse.
'She loved me, I could not doubt it, But she feared I had read the secrets of her pocket-book—the dear, stupid words she had written half in play; and all her maidenly modesty was up in arms, lest I should take advantage of what I had learned,—that she had given her heart to a man ere he asked for it, and that if I wooed her now, it might only be out of compassion or pity, melting into love.
'I could not doubt that, but for the unlucky advent of the pocket-book, she would have permitted me to love her, and have fully accepted me, with her uncle's consent; and now—now for days she avoided me, and began, that was patent to all in the cantonment, a very deliberate flirtation with my friend Jack Villars, of the Horse Artillery, a handsome but heedless fellow, whom she had never distinguished before; and, though I knew not quite why, the life of us both was embittered. I was indignant that she should think so meanly of me as to believe me capable of deliberately opening her pocket-book and prying into her secrets, while she was exasperated at her own folly in writing what she had written. Had I seen it? doubtless she asked of herself, and might have remembered that I had spoken of her "initials;" and perhaps, had I made the most solemn assertion that the wretched little book had opened of itself, she might have failed to believe me.
'At last the route came for our regiment, with the rest of Sale's brigade, to begin the march towards the province of Jellalabad; and I shall never forget the morning of our departure. We were armed with old and unserviceable muskets, because our final destination was Britain, and General Elphinstone, a useless, obstinate, and incapable old man, said there was no use in taking new arms home. Our men were to march with their knapsacks, a new feature in Indian warfare; and the officers reduced their baggage to a minimum, for rumour said the passes were beset, and the odds were heavy that not a man of us might live to reach the lower end of them.
'On the cold, dull, cloudy morning of the 10th of October our drums beat, and all in the cantonments at Cabul turned out to see us depart. Among other spectators on horseback were Bella and Mabel Berriedale, with the now inevitable Villars in attendance upon the latter; and if aught could add to the sorrow, bitterness, and chagrin of a parting that would be final—as she was to be left behind in Cabul—it was to behold this!
'After forming my company I drew near her, and made some commonplace remark, to which she replied in the same tone. I failed to catch the expression of her face, as a thick Shetland veil was tied over it. How little could I think that it was concealing tears! Suddenly Sale's bugler sounded; the adjutant was about to tell off the battalion. I pressed her hand; she returned the pressure firmly, and her voice as she said "Good-bye" was utterly broken, and seemed to be full of tears. I never, never forgot that; but this was no time for explanation. I rushed to join my company, and all that followed passed like a dream. The brigade was wheeled into line—it broke into sections—the bands struck up, and the homeward march for England, as all our fellows fondly hoped, began; and ere long, as we penetrated into the dark recesses of the mountains, we saw the last of Cabul and all our companions.
'I had but one thought—that Mabel Berriedale was there, and that I should never see her again!
'Even the armed clans of Afghans that were seen hovering so menacingly on the rocks that overhung the passes could not draw my thoughts from Mabel, the pressure of her beloved hand, and her tearful voice, when it was too late—all too late!
'The following night some wounded fugitives brought dreadful tidings to Cabul. Sale's brigade, they asserted, had been attacked in the passes and literally cut to pieces; how Sale himself and Colonel Dennie had been wounded, and Lieutenant Clinton of the 13th had been cut off, with a whole line of skirmishers, by the Khyberees under Zemaun Khan.
'My poor Mabel fell fainting on Bella's breast when she heard of all this, and she now for the first time knew, what I knew not, and never might know, how really dear I was to her. The startling tidings brought to Cabul were not without some grains of truth.