It did seem to her an incredibly wanton thing that she was doing. And at this particular moment, if he had uttered her name slowly and passionately she would have burst into tears and been reconciled to him. But he missed the opportunity.
“I shall return your letters,” he continued coldly. (There were not many of them, she reflected.)
“Good-bye,” she said.
They shook hands. And she thought: “Fancy having been kissed every night for months and months and suddenly turning to a handshake!” That, more than anything, perhaps, indicated to her the full significance of what had happened. That and the peculiar sensation of chilliness round her finger where the ring had been.
As she turned into Gifford Road she asked herself seriously the question: “What has come over me? Am I mad? ...”
§ 7
More than once during the next few weeks she wished for a reconciliation with George. It was not so much a desire for him as a sense of despair at being once more wholly alone and adrift. Now she was back again where she was when she first came to Gifford Road. With redoubled energy she laboured at her music, and soon the idea of a recital in a London concert hall began to dance attractively in her vision. She extended her reputation by playing in other suburbs; she thought even of setting up as a private teacher of the pianoforte. With the surplus earnings of a few months she bought an upright piano of decent tone and installed it in the basement sitting-room at Gifford Road.
George wrote to her once, a long letter of mingled pleading and expostulation. He mentioned that he had not yet told his parents what had happened, so that if she desired to change her mind it would be easy to do so. He laid stress on the difficulty he should find in giving Helen and his father and mother an adequate explanation of their separation.
After the receipt of this letter Catherine ceased her vague misgivings. She replied immediately in a letter, short by comparison with his, whose every sentence was the result of careful excogitation:
It is no good thinking of our ever becoming engaged again, because if we did we should soon quarrel. We simply aren’t made for one another, and however kind and sympathetic we try to be there’ll always be something lacking that sooner or later we shan’t be able to do without....