When the mighty Sultan of Kopaul heard of the straits into which his son-in-law was driven, he lost no time in beginning to get ready to prepare to fly, metaphorically speaking, to his assistance. Age had somewhat chilled the ardor of his blood; and in this sudden crisis he sorely missed the counsels of his lamented spouse, Paprikah, from whom the wise Kayenna had inherited her rare firmness of character. In the course of many years of conjugal controversy he had learned to respect her vigorous intellect and fluency of expression; but, after her melancholy loss, he seemed to lack in some degree the promptitude of action in emergency which had been so conspicuous a feature of his government during her lifetime. For this lack he made up by a fecundity and loudness of speech which impressed all who had not the happiness of his intimate acquaintance. With him, as he was wont to say, it was “a word and a blow.” His critics sneered that the terms were synonymous, but they did not understand the latent resources of the old warrior.
When the time for action came, he displayed his ability in a way that surprised them and all the world. In order not to be embarrassed by the presence of professional soldiers, who are ever an annoyance to an administration, he permitted a thousand of his veterans to proceed at once with Ben Zoin to the scene of action, and then set himself to the more serious work of planning a great and glorious campaign, summoning for the purpose his Minister of War, in whom he had the highest confidence.
Between them they formulated a martial policy which had the unique distinction of being alike agreeable to themselves, to the army contractors, and even to the enemy. Some old-fogy soldiers, it is true, objected to it on the last ground; but as most of them died under its operation, their voices were not long heard.
A board of strategy, composed of eminent individuals who, having no experience, could have no prejudices in military affairs, resolved upon a line of action unprecedented in warfare. Three corps were mobilized and despatched, after due deliberation, to the scene of hostilities. The first consisted of raw levies, hastily organized, but ably officered by friends and relatives of the government, men who had distinguished themselves either by political services or by meritorious consanguinity. The latter were, so to speak, “born” soldiers.
This first corps was sent to the front by a special caravan. Their arms and ammunition were forwarded, some time later, by a separate route. A third caravan, following yet another line of march, transported the food, tents, forage, and medical supplies.
By this ingenious arrangement the board of strategy had reason to trust that all three caravans might reach their destination in safety and good condition for effective work. “Divide and conquer” was the motto. If the soldiers should be captured, it was reasoned, their capture would be of no value to the enemy without the arms, provisions, and so forth, as would also the capture of the latter without the former.
Certain conservative persons, having a stake in the country, suggested that it would be more prudent to keep the ammunition and commissariat trains at home until after the arrival of the troops at the front, so that nothing more valuable than lives might be lost in case of any disaster; but there are captious people who will criticise the wisest works of man, even historical works of the most transcendent merit, which a modest author may not name. The board of strategy, having a more than official interest in army contracts, disregarded such criticisms, saying, properly enough, that it were better to lose material which could be replaced, at government expense, than to hazard the prospects of future contracts. Wherein they showed a commendable forethought and put to shame their censors, who did not hold any contracts, present or prospective.
The Sultan had great confidence also in the reserves, composed of various military and civil organizations distinguished for the splendor of their uniforms and the vociferousness of their patriotism in time of peace. As it happened, their reserve was so pronounced and shrinking in its character that it kept them from thrusting themselves to the front in time of war. Patriotic Orders, which had vowed to die for their country many a time, did not forget their vows when the dread ordeal came, but, on the contrary, with a fortitude unequalled in history, chose the most lingering death that a patriot might suffer, and voted unanimously to die of old age for the land which they loved so well and so wisely. For, as they truly said: The ignorant soldier goes and dies for his country, and thereby ends his usefulness to the country; but we who stay at home live to devote ourselves to the country’s service in any capacity, however lucrative. Bismillah! they were wise in their generation.
So it was that the mighty Sultan of Kopaul went to war vicariously, as all good sovereigns do, and, when it was over, asked for no greater reward than a seaport and coaling-station in the Sahara, where there was no sea and where a coaling-station was as superfluous as it would be in Gehenna. Ensued to his country much glory and a pension list, which was the wonder and the envy of the world; for, although the glory was evanescent, the pension list endured for generations, and the seaport and coaling-station served to “extend the sphere of Kopaulian influence,” and thus distribute the burden of taxes, even as a prudent merchant on the brink of bankruptcy enlarges the number and amount of his obligations, on the principle that in numbers there is safety.