The Adventures of Hajji Baba of Ispahan

by James Justinian Morier

'That is well spoken,' said he, with great composure, 'and now listen to me. The man I allude to is Mirza Firouz' (here my countenance fell, and I drawled out in answer a long 'belli, yes'). 'The truth is, I have lately discovered that his influence with the Shah has been considerably upon the increase. He possesses such great volubility of speech, and such vast command of language,—he flatters so intensely, and lies so profoundly,—that the king is more amused by him than by any other man of his court. Who knows how far he may go? Besides, I am assured that secretly he is my most bitter enemy, whilst openly he affects to be my most devoted of servants; and although to this day I have never for a moment dreaded the hatred or the intrigues of any one, yet I cannot but own, that, in this instance, I am not without my fears. By sending him among the infidels, as the Shah's representative, I at once cut off the source of my uneasiness; and once let him be gone, I will so arrange matters, that even should he return successful from his mission (which, please God, he never may!) he shall never acquire the influence over the Shah which he is now attempting to establish.'

I agreed to all he said with hesitation; and was losing myself in the reflection how I could possibly turn this piece of confidence to my own advantage, when the vizier accosted me again, and said:—

'I have only let you into one part of my scheme: the second object is, that you, Hajji, should accompany the ambassador in the capacity of his first mirza, or chief secretary. You, who are my friend and confidant, who know all my wishes, and who have an intimate knowledge of all that has occurred since the arrival of the infidels, you are precisely the man to fill this situation, and you will render me the greatest of services by accepting my proposal.'

However delighted I might have been at the prospect of becoming the chief of an embassy, yet when I was offered the inferior appointment, my feelings were very different. I felt that in quitting the situation I now enjoyed, I should leave the high road to preferment, to get into one of its crooked lanes. Besides, I strongly participated in the national antipathy, the horror of leaving one's country, and particularly dreaded the idea of going to sea; and when I came to reflect that the country to which I was likely to be sent was unknown land,—a land situated in eternal darkness, beyond the regions of the sun, and whose inhabitants were an unclean and unbelieving race,—I drew back from the vizier's offer with the fear of one who had the gulf of perdition placed before him.

The answer I made to the prime minister was by a string of cold assents, such as constantly hang on every Persian's lips, whatever may be his real feelings. I said, 'By my eyes; I am your servant; my ear is in your hand; whatever you ordain I am bound to obey'; and then remained mute as a stone.

The vizier easily discovered what passed within me, and said, 'If you dislike my offer, you are your own master, and another may easily be found to accept it. I have your advantage in view as well as my own. In the first place, you should immediately proceed to Ispahan, as the Shah's deputy, to collect a considerable portion of the presents intended to be sent by our court to the King of England, and which must be levied upon the inhabitants of that city. You would then have an opportunity of enriching yourself.'

I did not let the vizier proceed further. The temptation of returning to my native place in such a character, clothed with such powers, was too great to be withstood, and in a very altered tone I immediately exclaimed, with great earnestness:—

'By the salt of your highness, by your death, and by the beard of the Shah, I am ready to go. No other word need be said,—I will go wherever you command, were it even to fetch the father of all the Franks from the inmost chambers of the world below.'

'Be it so,' said the vizier; 'and as the first step towards it, go at once to Mirza Firouz, flatter and assure him that he is the only man in Persia fit to be sent upon such an embassy, and persuade him of the advantages that will accrue to him. Honour, riches, the goodwill of the Shah, and my protection all will abound; and at his return, God best knows to what heights he may not ascend. Throw out hints that some other man, some rival, whom you may discover, has been talked of for the situation, and you will see how easily he will swallow the bait. Go, and Allah be with you!'

I left his presence scarcely knowing whether I soared in the heavens, or trod on the earth. 'What,' said I to myself, 'shall I then attain the summit of all earthly happiness,—shall my long past prognostics at length be fulfilled,—and shall I indeed enter my native place, clothed with the kalaât of honour, armed with the hand of power, and mounted upon the steed of splendour? Let those who once scorned Hajji Baba, the barber's son, now beware, for they will have to deal with the Shah's deputy. Let those crowns, which once submitted to my razor, now be prostrate, for he who can cut the head off is at hand. Ye that have deprived me of my inheritance tremble, for the power of making you restore it is mine.'