'That's all true,' said the king. 'Persia is the country which, from the beginning of the world to the present day, has always been famous for the genius of its inhabitants, and the wisdom and splendour of its monarchs. From Kaiumars, the first king of the world, to me who am the present Shah, what list is so perfect, so glorious? India also had her sovereigns, Arabia her caliphs, Turkey her Khon Khors (lit. blood drinkers), Tartary her khans, and China her emperors; but as for the Franks, who come into my dominions from God knows where, to buy and sell, and to bring me tribute of presents,—they, poor infidels! have a parcel of kings, of whose countries even the names have not reached our ears.'
'Belli, belli, Yes, yes!' said the nobleman, 'I am your sacrifice. Except the English and the French nations, which by all accounts are something in the world, all others are but little better than nothing. As for Moscovites, they are not Europeans—they are less than the dogs of Europe.'
'Ha! ha! ha! you say true', answered the king, laughing. 'They had their Khûrshîd Colah,[54] their 'Head of Glory' as they called her, who for a woman was a wonderful person, 'tis true—and we all know that when a woman meddles with anything, pena be khoda, it is then time to put one's trust in God; but after her, they had a Paul, who was a pure madman; who, to give you an instance of what his folly was, wanted to march an army to India; just as if the Kizzil Bashes[55] would ever have allowed it. A Russian puts on a hat, a tight coat, and tight breeches, shaves his beard, and then calls himself a European. You might just as well tie the wings of a goose to your back and call yourself an angel.'
'Wonderful, wonderful,' exclaimed the head of the nobles; 'the Shah-in-Shah speaks like an angel. Show us a king in Europe that would speak like him.'
'Yes, yes,' was chorused by all the bystanders.
'May he live a thousand years,' said one.
'May his shadow never be less,' said another.
'But it is of their women,' continued the king, 'of whom we hear the most extraordinary accounts. In the first place, they have no anderûn[56] in their houses; men and women all live together; then the women never wear veils—they show their faces to whoever chooses to look at them, like those of our wandering tribes. Tell me, Mirza Ahmak, you that are a doctor and a philosopher, by what extraordinary arrangement of providence does it happen, that we Mussulmans should be the only people on earth who can depend upon our wives, and who can keep them in subjection. You,' said his majesty, smiling ironically, 'you I hear are blessed above all men in an obedient and dutiful wife.'
'Possessed of the kindness and protection of the King of Kings,' answered the doctor, 'I am blessed with everything that can make life happy. I, my wife, my family, are your humble slaves, and everything we have your property. If your slave possesses any merit, it is none of his; it all emanates from the asylum of the world: even my failings become virtues, when the king commands me. "But what lamp can shine in the face of, the sun, or what minaret can be called high at the foot of the mountain of Alwend?" With respect to what your majesty has been pleased to say concerning women, it appears to the meanest of your slaves, that there must be a great affinity between beasts and Europeans, and which accounts for the inferiority of the latter to Mussulmans. Male and female beasts herd promiscuously together; so do the Europeans. The female beasts do not hide their faces; neither do the Europeans. They wash not, nor do they pray five times a day; neither do the Europeans. They live in friendship with swine; so do the Europeans; for instead of exterminating the unclean beast, as we do, I hear that every house in Europe has an apartment fitted up for its hog. Then as for their women indeed! What dog seeing its female in the streets does not go and make himself agreeable? so doubtless does the European. Wife in those unclean countries must be a word without a meaning, since every man's wife is every man's property.
'Well said, doctor,' exclaimed the king; ''tis plain, then, that all are beasts but us. Our holy Prophet (upon whom be blessing and peace!) has told us as much. The infidel will never cease roasting, whilst the true believer will be eternally seated next to his houri in the seventh heaven! But we hear, doctor, that your Paradise has begun here on earth, and that you have got your houris already. Ah! how is that?'