“And now, Sandy,” said I, when there was scarcely a feather to be seen, “you’ll bind all the legs of the corpses together.”
A command which was obeyed slowly and reluctantly.
“Throw them over your back,” continued I, “and the bag will go over all.”
Having got my man laden with his dead spoil, “And now we’ll march to the Office,” said I.
“And fareweel, Sandy,” cried a voice from the bed; “we’ll maybe never see ane anither again. May the Lord prosper ye and mend ye!”
And finding matters in this favourable state, as I conceived, I bent my head over the lump of innocence:—
“Now, Mrs Dewar,” whispered I, “just tell me how Sandy came by the ducks and hens.”
“Aweel,” said she in return, disappointing my hopes of an admission, “I’ll say naething against my lawfu’ husband. If the dukes and hens didna flee in at the window, it’s now dead certain they’ll no flee oot at the door.”
These were the last words of the sonsy landlady, and I marched Sandy, with his burden, through an admiring crowd to the Office, where, having locked him up, I began to examine the dead bodies. The heads, as I have said, had been all taken care of, not a feather left upon one of them. Every corpse was so provokingly like another, that I could see no way of proving that they belonged to any one; and if, as was likely, Sandy had not been observed by any person about the place, I had no evidence to rest on but the equivocal words of Mrs Dewar, which pointed out no proprietor. I was in difficulty, but my difficulty was a stimulant as well; and there in the Office I sat, I know not how long, making my post mortem examination with all the assiduity of a doctor. My honour was concerned. The bantam would crow if my hens were not identified; but oh the inestimable virtue of perseverance! Were I to recount what this power has yielded me, I would read a lesson to the sluggard better than any imparted by Solomon. I had made my discoveries, and was the more satisfied with the result, as, during all the time I had been engaged in the examination of my eighteen dead bodies, I had become the theme of much good-humoured laughter among my compeers, joined in by the Superintendent and Lieutenant themselves.
A short time afterwards, there came in a charge from Mr Beaton, Hope Park, Meadows, to the effect that nine ducks had been stolen from his premises on the previous night; and after the lapse of another hour, a second charge, involving the nine hens, came from Mr Renton of Hope Park End. To these places I repaired, and saw the servants, who could, of course, have had no difficulty about the identity of their favourites, fed and tended by them every morning, and relieved by them of the succulent treasure they dropt so industriously for the morning’s meal, provided the feathers remained, but they all laughed at the idea of knowing their lamented favourites with bare bodies. As to the thief, no one could say that he was seen, or even heard. Sandy had done his work well. I then got the lasses to dress themselves, and accompany me to the Office, where we soon arrived; the bodies were all lying in the state in which I left them. The sight to the girls was nothing less than striking. They held up their hands, and really looked pitiful, for no doubt they had had an affection for the creatures; and the strongest of us, I suspect, have some feelings thus lowly, but not the less sympathetically directed, which even the savoury morsel of a fed favourite cannot altogether dissipate. My pig is a better pig than yours; but I’d rather eat yours, if you will eat mine.