But here I must observe, that many things are looked upon as grievous Evils, which, if considered in a proper Light, are no Evils at all: and to what is this owing? certainly to the erroneous Measures taken at setting out. The Eagerness of Children after every new Trifle, the Desire of engaging in whatever is called Pleasure, and the early Passion for Dress and Show, make them earnest to have their Humour comply’d with. Now as many of these things are highly improper, gratifying their Demands must be an Error more or less; but this is the least Part of the Evil: the Habit of having all they desire increases with their Years; and without considering, whether the Things they seek are necessary or reasonable, they pursue their Desires, and are wretched when disappointed. Hence arise many of the Passions which disturb the Oeconomy of Families, and fill the World with Disorder: Men disappointed in their Business, and cross’d in their Will, burst into Rage, or contract a Fretfulness which makes them unhappy in themselves, and painful to all who see or feel the Effects of it: and Women who have been used in Childhood to conquer their Parents, and in Youth all the World, who have been constantly addressed in the language of Romances, and have been vainly taught to think the Men their Slaves; Women, I say, who are thus educated, are but very ill prepared to meet Disappointments: the first Opposition throws them into Fits, whence follow Vapours, Melancholy and Indolence; the next kindles their Resentment, which agitates the Mind, spoils the Features, by tearing off the natural Softness of the Countenance, and puts the sweetest Temper into a Ferment; and, if a Husband be the Object of it, ’tis great Odds but a short Time creates either an unjust Coldness, or a fixed Aversion. Mr. Locke, sensible of the Danger of irregular Indulgence, thus describes the Situation of a fondled Son. “He that hath been used to have his Will in every thing as long as he was in Coats, why should we think it strange that he should desire it, and contend for it still, when he is in Breeches? Indeed, as he grows towards a Man, Age shews his Faults the more; so that there are few Parents then so blind as not to see them, few so insensible as not to feel the ill Effects of their own Indulgence. He had the Will of his Maid before he could speak or go; he had the Mastery of his Parents ever since he could prattle; and why, now he is grown up, is stronger and wiser than he was then, why now of a sudden should he be restrained and curbed? Why must he at seven, fourteen, or twenty Years old, lose the Privilege, which his Parents Indulgence till then so largely allowed him?” From all this it is evident, that the early planting of regular Desires, checking the Growth of vicious ones, and subjecting Passion to Reason, are the great Means to lay the Foundation of Happiness in our Children, and the surest Fence against many Evils they would otherwise be exposed to: but if after all this, Sorrow, Pain, Disappointment, or Poverty be their Lot, let Parents teach them to meet it as they ought; teach them with the firmest Resolution, with unshaken Constancy, to bear up against the rude Attack; and teach them that the only way to lessen the Evils they cannot avoid, is to adhere inseparably to that heroic Virtue Fortitude.
I am now led to speak of Temperance; the calmest Companion of the Heart of Man. Temperance is the Virtue that bridles our irregular Desires; it is nearly ally’d to Prudence, and has a close Connection with Justice; it calms Revenge, and quenches the Fire of unjust Resentment; it checks the Epicure, and stops the riotous Hand of the Bacchanalian; it extinguishes or abates the Flames of Lust, and banishes every lawless Action; it silences the flippant detracting Tongue, and gives in it’s stead a pleasing Moderation of Speech; it shuts the Door against Avarice, and proves experimentally, that Happiness does not consist in the eager Pursuit or Acquisition of Riches, but in a contented Mind; it curbs that strongest of all other Passions, Gaming, and distinguishes justly the Absurdity and Folly of making that a dangerous Trade, which was only designed as a Relaxation and an Amusement: Temperance, in a word, is the Parent of many Virtues; the Parent of Peace, Prosperity, Health and Joy. But while these are Truths acknowledged and received, how comes it that we know so little of the Practice of them? How comes it that in general these are mere Matters of Speculation? Alas! the Spring is tainted in the Source. We are intemperate in our very Cradles; no wonder therefore if we remain so our whole Lives. We are born with irregular Appetites; and which, thro’ Errors in Judgment, or mistaken Fondness, are daily rendered still more so. But let us leave these melancholy Reflections, and consider the Advantages we enjoy, the Privileges we are invested with. Providence, kind Providence, has given us Reason for our Guide; and Reason will conduct us to Temperance.—Nothing can be more strange to all Observation, than the Practice of forsaking Temperance; since every Day’s Experience proves to us, that Intemperance produces the very opposite to what we seek. Suppose when a Child is born, we ask the Parents what it is they wish in that Child; they will answer, Life. But as Life alone, that is, mere Existence, may by Infirmity or other Accidents be very wretched, they will naturally wish for Health and Happiness. Well then, Life, Health, and Happiness, are the general Wishes of Parents for their Children. Now let us see how their Wishes are likely to succeed. Their first Step is usually a shameful Neglect of the Food of Nature, the Breast; the next, a blind Gratification of their Will; the third, an almost total Neglect of their Manners; and a fourth, the cherishing in them every irregular Affection. Where then is the Wonder that Parents are disappointed? Life and Health depend on proper Food and other judicious Management on one part; and if sick, an Obedience to Remedies on the other part; and Happiness essentially depends in the first place on Health; in the next, on the due Government of our Senses, Affections and Passions. See here how Mankind deviate from themselves; how far they depart from their own Principles. But what then is the Remedy? nothing more obvious. Let Parents exercise their Reason in all the Steps they take for their Children’s Welfare; let them examine Right and Wrong; let them not only avoid Passion, but labour to correct their own Errors of Judgment, that they may be the better enabled to prevent them in their Children; but particularly, let them fix in them the Knowledge, Love, and Habit of Temperance.
These Rules will doubtless be an Infringement on those Liberties Parents usually take in indulging their Children’s Stomachs; and it will be a greater in the Restraint it lays on their growing Passions: but they must convince them of the Purity of their Intentions by speaking to their Understandings; not all at once, but by Degrees, as they open and gain Strength; so that Step by Step they may point out to them the Loveliness, the Pleasure, and the Advantages of this uncommon Virtue. I say nothing here of the State of Childhood, because it is already understood that Parents have their Children’s Health regulated by proper Management, and their Minds docile thro’ the Force of Obedience; but when Dress, Pleasure, Company, Feasting, or whatever subjects us to be intemperate, come into Play, as they are Actions which always cause a Struggle, more or less, between Passion and Reason, it demands the greatest Care and Attention of Parents to win them to a Love of Temperance.
An easy Submission to our Lot in Life is one of the greatest Attainments towards Happiness. View a young Lady with a strong Passion for Dress; every new thing strikes her; one Companion has a richer Silk than herself; another has the sweetest Lace she ever saw; a third has Ear-rings ten times handsomer than her own; she burns with Impatience to equal them, and that granted, new things arise, and the others are old tho’ not worn out; that is, her Relish for them is lost. Thus a continual round of Fashions keep her incessantly anxious; and tho’ perhaps she possesses every thing, she enjoys nothing. Not so the calmer well-instructed Fair; she considers that Propriety of Dress is what suits her Station; and covets not another’s Jewels: she wears, without a Blush, a meaner Silk than her meaner Companion; and free from the Extremes of Negligence or Pride, she is qualify’d for all the Dignity that Dress can give her; but is equally happy in an inferior Appearance. Thus too it happens with our Sons: One is in the continual Pursuit of Pleasure, has a thousand Contrivances to reach a Play, a Ball, or a Horse-race; and is miserable if these things are going on without him: while another, awaken’d by Reason, and check’d by Temperance, takes these things as they come; and neither insipidly refuses the Chearfulness of an Entertainment, nor is disturb’d of his Rest, or loses either his Temper or his Appetite, if he is disappointed. Such is the Difference between Passion and Reason, such the genuine Effects of Temperance.
Temperance, as I observ’d before, is closely connected with Justice; that is, whatever thro’ Intemperance affects our Health, or endangers our Lives, must be unjust. What can be more amazing than the false Judgment of Mankind even in the most obvious things! All allow that we have no Right voluntarily to throw away that Life which Providence has given us; on the contrary, we are bound to support it, even under the Pressure of Pain and Sorrow, to the last Moment. How comes it then that while this is acknowledged, while Men justly shrink with Horror at the very Thought of Self-murder, they have the Hardiness to dally with some murderous Instrument? All the Arguments that are brought against Suicide, whether by Sword, Pistol, Laudanum, or Arsenic, hold good, in some Degree, in the Point before us. The oftener a Building is shock’d, the sooner will it decay; the more Violence is us’d to a delicate Machine, the sooner will it be destroy’d; and no Machine is so exquisitely delicate as Man. Now as every Species of Excess, Riot, and Debauchery, is a Shock given to our Frame, it must naturally impair our Health, and consequently shorten our Lives. Many things tend to effect this, that Men in general are Strangers to; but there are others they are too sensible of, yet attempt not to remove, nay plunge themselves into. Here then appears the Necessity of Temperance; here we see the great Obligation of Parents to their Children in this Point: since they are not only accountable for their Happiness, but even for their Health and Lives. To conclude, let Parents in inculcating this Virtue dissuade their Children from every irregular Attachment, and convince them that no intemperate Affections are justifiable; that besides avoiding those irregular Passions which may be said to reside in the Soul, there are others that dwell on the Senses, equally capable of destroying us; particularly an unhappy Attachment to sleeping, eating, drinking, and many other things in their Nature not only innocent but indispensably necessary; yet, by the frequent grievous Abuse of them, made the Instruments of our Destruction.
These are the things I had to offer on the Part of Manners; these are the Steps I have already in great measure taken with my own Children, and these the Sentiments I wish to inspire them with. If therefore, as general Laws, they are equally applicable to others, my presenting them in Print will, I hope, be consider’d with the same Candour they are offered. But notwithstanding what has already been said, Parents have still much to do. To keep up the Spirit of Government, they must constantly remember that Nature and Reason are to be their Guides: if we distort Nature, our Children will be preposterous Figures; and if we banish Reason, they will be Brutes or Monsters. Parents must remember too, that it is not for themselves that they labour to train up their Children in Order, Obedience, and Knowledge; there must be no self-pointed Views, no Pride, no Dispositions to tyrannise over their own Flesh and Blood; these are Motives unworthy a Place in any Parent’s Breast. Their principal Aim must be to make their Children happy, by making them wise and good; and if they succeed herein, so much Happiness will be reflected back on themselves as will amply reward all their Labours. But they must not stop even here; tho’ this Design is noble, they should have a nobler yet in view; that is, the universal Good of Mankind: ’tis too narrow a Good that seeks itself alone; Children must therefore be animated by their Parents with all those Virtues that will make them dear and valuable to Society. Now what Chance is there that Children will come on the Stage of Life with the necessary Requisites, unless due Pains are taken to mould and temper their Hearts, to form their Minds, and cultivate their Understandings? Mr. Pope, after labouring to prove for what End we are in being, what Good we are to pursue, and what Evil avoid, concludes, “that all our Knowledge is ourselves to know.” If then this Self-knowledge is of such vast Importance for the securing our Happiness even in a moral Sense, and is so very difficult to be attained; surely Parents are under the highest Obligation to their Children of improving every Means within their Reach, for the gaining this only true Philosopher’s Stone. The End, as Philosophers agree, is the first thing in the Intention; but the Means to attain that End are surely, in the Case before us, either but little known, or little practised; else we should not see such daily and grievous Mistakes committed in the training up our little Offspring; nor such a continued Chain of Vice, Folly, and Ignorance, as is the general Result of this mistaken Manners, this want of Self-knowledge.
But here I must caution my Readers not to bewilder themselves in a Maze of fancied Difficulties; not to throw aside these Instructions as useful or practicable to none but those of Genius, Learning, and great Abilities: the Light of Nature and Reason beams strongly on us all; and Parents, as I have before observed, have it greatly in their Power to regulate their Children’s Conduct: for after all, it must be confessed, that it is not so much that Parents do not know, as that they want the Will, to act rightly. But I hope, that such as are really ignorant, will here, in some measure, be informed; such as already know, will here be induced to practise: since by avoiding the Errors too generally run into, so much solid Good will ensue. But, to return back again: where or how are we to begin? Why—(as has already been advanc’d) by Authority. Authority is undoubtedly the first Means towards attaining this great End; the other Means are, a steady Attention to the various Tempers of our Children; a strict Guard over our own Conduct; a watchful Eye on theirs; joined to a serious Practice of every Lesson for their Improvement: to which we are to add, such an Education as is suitable to our Sphere in Life.