Reuben Cox was able to move about on the fourth day after he succeeded in getting inside the fort, and as I saw this man and that, who had formerly been his close comrades, move aside lest he should speak to them, I decided that the man's punishment was far greater than any we could have inflicted upon him. Death, according to my way of thinking, would have been far preferable to being thus scorned.
Cox must have had some such thoughts himself, for, coming full upon the commandant one day, the two being not above twenty paces from where I was stationed, he pleaded piteously to leave the fort in order that he might do what he could toward hurrying forward the relief for which we were hoping.
"You would not live to get two hundred yards away," Colonel Gansevoort replied, speaking not unkindly. "The enemy are doubtless on the alert for some such attempt on our part, since knowing we are not overly burdened with food."
"I would like to make the try, sir," Cox said, in a pleading tone, "an', if it so be that they get hold of me again, it'll be better to die in their hands than stay here where every man looks upon me as somethin' to be despised."
"You can't be surprised, Cox, that the brave fellows, whose plight has been rendered more desperate by what you and your companions did, should be averse to making friendly with you."
"I'm not surprised, sir, an' I'd like to end it all by showin' that I've still got man enough in me to die tryin' to repair the mischief that's been done."
"The only way to make atonement is by doing whatsoever comes to your hand here in the fort. There's like to be plenty of fighting ahead of us, and you should be able to do more than your share."
"Could it be fixed, sir, so that I might give up nearly all my rations to those who need 'em the most?" the poor fellow asked, in a tone so pitiful and weak that my heart really went out in sympathy to him.
"We will stand or fall on the same footing, my man," the colonel said, as he walked away, and immediately I was relieved of duty I made it my business to repeat the conversation to every man I came across.
We were all so near death just then that it surely seemed as if we should have forgiveness in our hearts for such as Cox, lest we be denied that same boon in the next world.