With a headache from the noise and smoke I left the court-room and went out in the City Square to breathe a little fresh air. Children were playing with sand and toys. Children of the New Russia! Russia of free speech, free thoughts, free ways! God, what will grow out of you?… I wanted to pet one of them, a little thing with gray eyes, but frightened to death of a "Red"—the child yelled and ran; from a distance it shook at me a little trembling fist. So—it is not so bad.
While in the garden—the court room probably was emptied, as few shots were fired behind me,—on the hill, and shortly after, a gala-demonstration started—with a rattling of stones on the roof of the Mansion, whistles, songs and a general delirium of the uncontrolled and wicked mob …
Feeling the bridles of the High Commissaries, unable to do something to them, understanding the guidance under a sauce of self government, the mob was avenging itself on the inhabitants of the Mansion.
46
I wonder where Lucie is now?
Something heavy and depressing is in my mind this last time; some fog in my thoughts; I think I am losing my standing of a gentleman, dealing with all of these people. My language has become vulgar; my manners, also. I begin….
(few lines scratched out)
47
… This morning Pashinsky repeated that the Em. will be taken to Ekaterinburg with the Empress and the Heir. The daughters will stay here for a while. "Believe me, we'll have a good time," he said, offensively breathing in my face.
I stood near the gates of the fence when Dr. Botkin passed. Nobody was near me, Pashinsky having gone for a drink of water into the quarters. I said without turning my head: