"I have many times passed between London and Gravesend with these fellows; when I have seen them, in spite of the shrieks and cries of the women, and the persuasions of the men-passengers, and indeed, as if they were the more bold by how much the passengers were the more afraid; I have seen them run needless hazards, and go as it were within an inch of death, when they
have been under no necessity of it; and if not in contempt of the passengers, it has been in mere laziness, to avoid their rowing. And I have been sometimes obliged, especially when there have been more men in the boat of the same mind, so that we have been strong enough for them, to threaten to cut their throats, to make them hand their sails, and keep under shore, not to fright, as well as hazard the lives of the passengers, when there was no need of it. But I am satisfied, that the less frighted and timorous their passengers are, the more cautious and careful the Watermen are, and the least apt to run into danger. Whereas, if their passengers appear frighted, then the Watermen grow saucy and audacious, show themselves venturous, and contemn the dangers they are really exposed to.
"Set one knave to catch another, is a proverbial saying of great antiquity and repute in this kingdom. Thus the vigilant Vintner, notwithstanding all his little arts of base brewings, abridging his bottles, and connecting his guests together, does not always reap the fruits of his own care and industry. Few people being aware of the underhand understandings, and petty partnerships these sons of Benecarlo and Cyder have topped upon them; and the many other private inconveniences that they, in the course of their business, are subjected to. Now, to let my readers into this great arcanum or secret, I must
acquaint them, that nothing is more certain and frequent, than for some of the principal customers to a tavern to have a secret allowance, by way of drawback, of 6d. or 7d.; nay, sometimes I have heard of 8d. on every bottle of port-wine that themselves shall drink, or cause to be drank in the house, and for which they have seemingly paid the price of 2s.; and so are a sort of Vintners in vizards and setters of society. Those are mostly sharping Shopkeepers, who, by being considerable dealers, hold numbers of other inferior tradesmen in a state of dependency upon them; officers of parishes, old seasoned soakers, who, by having served an age to tippling, have contracted a boundless acquaintance; house-stewards, clerks of kitchens, song-singers, horse-racers, valets-de-chambre, merry story-tellers, attorneys and solicitors, with legions of wrangling clients always at their elbows. Wherefore, as they have got the lead upon a great part of mankind, they are for ever establishing clubs and friendly-societies at Taverns, and drawing to them every soul they have any dealings or acquaintance with.
"The young fellows are mostly sure to be their followers and admirers, as esteeming it a great favour to be admitted amongst their seniors and betters, thinking to learn to know the world and themselves. One constant topic of conversation is, the civility of the people, the diligent attendance, together with the goodness of the wines
and cheapness of the eatables, with a side-wind reflection on another house. And, if at any time the wine is complained of, it is answered with 'People's palates are not at all times alike; my landlord generally hath as good, or better, than any one in the town.' And often the poor innocent bottle, or else the cork, falls under a false and heavy accusation.
"In a morning there is no passing through any part of the town without being hemmed and yelped after by these locusts from the windows of Taverns, where they post themselves at the most convenient views, to observe such passengers as they have but the least knowledge of; and if a person be in the greatest haste, going upon extraordinary occasions, or not caring to vitiate his palate before dinner, and so attempts an escape, then, like a pack of hounds, they join in full cry after him, and the landlord is detached upon his dropsical pedestals, or else a more nimble-footed drawer is at your heels, bawling out 'Sir, Sir, it is your old friend Mr. Swallow, who wants you upon particular business.'
"The sums which are expended daily by this method are really surprising. I knew a clerk to a vestry, a half-pay officer, a chancery solicitor, and a broken apothecary, that made a tolerable good livelihood, by calling into a tavern all their friends that passed by the window in this manner. Their custom was, to sit with a quart of white
port before them in a morning; every person they decoyed into their company for a minute or two never threw down less than his sixpence, and few drank more than one gill; and, if two or three glasses, he seldom came off with less than one shilling. The master of the house constantly provided them with a plain dinner, gratis. All dinner-time they kept their room, still in full view of the street, and so sat catching gudgeons (as they used to call it) from morning till night; when, besides amply filling their own carcases, and discharging the whole reckoning, they seldom divided less than seven or eight shillings per man, per diem.
"Some people, unacquainted with this fellow-feeling at Taverns, often wonder how such-a-one does to hold it; that he spends a confounded deal of money, is seldom out of a Tavern, and never in his business: when, in reality, he is thus never out of his business, and so helps to run away with the chief profits of the house.