Nelly, a little Ratifia[170:A]."
A vile impostor was detected in January 1757, and committed to Bridewell by John Fielding, Esq. This wretch had a practice of lying upon
his back in some court or narrow passage, and feigning insensibility; at other times he would appear in the habit of a countryman just arrived in London, where he knew no person, and would declare that, being destitute of money, he had not eaten for four days: another trick represented him as an old worn-out and pennyless Soldier, just arrived from Jamaica; but the repetition of the first performance proved fatal to his finesse. A physician found him in the fainting scene, conveyed him to a comfortable bed, and gave him money; but meeting Master Anthony Needham a second time, to all appearance breathing his last, he adopted a new prescription, which procured the healthful exercises of Bridewell. Cash and provisions were found in his pockets when he arrived at the Police-office, though he had just declared he had fasted four days.
When an author is to be found who disinterestedly examines into any particular abuse, another writing on the same subject cannot surely do amiss in quoting such facts from his publication as may suit his purpose. A person who assumed the signature of Philanthropos exposed the villainy of Register-offices, as they were in 1757, in the following forcible manner: "I come now to the article of places under the Government, &c. to be sold, which we see frequently advertised from Register-offices in these or such like terms, and which you generally find in their
hand-bills: 'A place to be disposed of for 100 guineas, which brings in 100l. per annum. A public office to be sold, where nothing less than gold is taken for any business transacted, &c.'
"I have the happiness to assure the publick, that most of the advertisements that have appeared within these twelve months past have been carefully perused, and an impartial enquiry made after several of the places to be disposed of (which are not confined to private life, but comprehend Church and State), by a public-spirited gentleman, who has been at the expence of applying to the offices from whence they were advertised, and was so kind as to furnish me with the remarks I offer to the publick, on the exposing to sale public offices and employments. The result of an enquiry after the place which brought in 100l. per annum, and might be purchased for 100 guineas, was, that the proprietor of the office took one shilling for answering to the question, 'What is the place?' notwithstanding it was so publicly advertised; and then told the gentleman, that it was a place in the Custom-house, and that he must apply for particulars to Mr. ——, at a certain Coffee-house. This the gentleman patiently submitted to; but when he came there, on enquiring for the person he was directed to, he was told at the bar, that he was just gone, and the place sold; and, notwithstanding the most diligent enquiry, the gentleman
could never find out either who bought, or who sold the place. On his return to the Register-office, he naturally demanded his shilling again; but was told it was only the customary fee of the Office, that it was a pity he had not applied earlier (it was then only three o'clock on the very day the advertisement appeared in the paper); and if the place had not been gone, perhaps it would not have suited the gentleman's talents, as accompts were requisite; and if that had been the case, it was no fault of the Office; thus intimating, let what would be the success attending the enquiry, the Office-keeper was intitled to one shilling. It is highly probable that eight or ten more might have paid for the same enquiry."
Sir John Fielding received an involuntary present, in November 1757, from a number of Publicans, consisting of Billiard-tables, Mississippi-tables, Shuffle-boards, and Skittles, which the worthy Magistrate caused to be piled in a pyramidal form, near thirty-feet high, at the end of Bow-street near the Police-office, where they were consumed. A good hint for the Magistrates at present, as the word Billiards is really very conspicuous in various parts of the Metropolis every night, and, indeed, may be found not an hundred doors from the facetious Knight's old office.
One of the most wicked impositions practised by knaves in London, is the adulteration of
Bread. The wretch who improves his circumstances by this detestable method of increasing his profits, is an assassin, full as wicked as the celebrated Italian Tophana: that human fiend poisoned her victims by degrees, suited to the malice of her employers; the Baker who throws slow poisons into his trough does worse, for he undermines the constitutions of his supporters, his customers. He that eats bread without butter or meat, throughout London, at the present moment, and afterwards visits a friend in the country who makes his own, cannot fail of perceiving the delicious sweetness which the mercy of our Creator hath diffused through the invaluable grain that produces it; the inducement held out to us, to preserve life by the most innocent means, is thus in a great measure lost to the inhabitants of London. I once broke a piece of alum with my teeth, which lay in the depth of a slice of bread, when at breakfast, as large as a pea; and was only deterred from prosecuting the baker by the dread of that obloquy which attends the least interested informers. At another time I lodged a week at a baker's house in a country-town, and during a lazy fit, strolled into the bake-house where bread was mixing; in an instant my landlord's countenance changed, and I was rudely desired to leave the place, as he would allow no one to pry into his business. This conduct from a man who had before behaved with the utmost