"Others do not above half cover their heads, which is indeed owing to the shallowness of their
crowns; but between beaver and eye-brows expose a piece of blank forehead, which looks like a sandy road in a surveyor's plan. Indeed, people should hide as much of the face under their Hats as possible; for very few there are but what have done something for which they ought to be out of countenance.
"I remember at a droll society established in Dublin, called 'The Court of Nassau,' a gentleman was indicted for wearing his Hat in the Court: the Attorney-general moved, in favour of the defendant, that the indictment was falsely laid; for in it was expressed, the gentleman had his Hat upon his head; and the Attorney proved his client not to have a head. Now if, in London, no persons were to wear Hats but such as have heads, what would become of the hatters? Yet this we may safely avow, that a man may shew by his Hat whether he has a head; or at least by the decorating it, whether his head is properly furnished. A gold button and loop to a plain Hat distinguishes a person to be a little lunatic; a gold band round it shews the owner to be very dangerously infected; and, if a tassel is added, the patient is incurable.
"A man with a Hat larger than common, represents the fable of the Mountain in labour; and the Hats edged round with a gold binding, belong to brothers of the Turf.
"Elaborately have both antients and moderns expressed themselves concerning the brain, the pineal gland, ideas, and cogitations, by which the head, or the animal spirits of the head, properly trammeled, might pace in good order.
"But the only persons who can properly be of benefit to heads, are periwig-makers, and Doctor Monro, Physician to Moorfields Hospital.
"Wigs are as essential to every person's head, as lace is to their clothes; and although understanding may be deficient in the wearer as well as money, yet people dressed out look pretty; and very fine gentlemen thus embellished represent those pots upon Apothecaries' shelves which are much ornament, but always stand empty.
"Behold a Barber's block unadorned: can we conceive any higher idea of it, than that of a bruiser just preparing to set to? Indeed, with a foliage round the temples, it might serve in an Auction-room for the bust of a Cæsar; and, provided it was properly worm-eaten, would be bid for accordingly. But of that hereafter: our business now is to shew the consequence of Wigs.
"Imprimis.