The job I have to fall back upon is with a blacksmith, at Eton Corner. I should at first get only board, but probably more afterwards.
Ottawa,
October 6th, ’84.
My Dear “Frunck,”
I have no doubt you think me a blackguard, to put it mildly, for taking such a month of Sundays to answer your letter; Of course I thought to myself as soon as I had finished it: Dash it! here goes. I’ll write him a “jaw.” But “dash it” here didn’t go. I wrote to mother instead, and when I had finished that one I was so tired of scribbling that I “smucked a cegar” and turned in. I was then staying for the night at the Sherbrooke Hotel, on my way to Montreal, after having stuck Henry in the mud, which is the polite way of saying that I left him rapidly taking root in the soil of the new country. I haven’t heard from him since we parted, partly, I have no doubt, because I have been knocking about so much that all my letters have missed me. In fact, I haven’t heard from a soul for more than a fortnight. However, I am stationary at last, for a time anyway. I have got a job as senior draughtsman in a patent solicitor’s office (don’t tell anybody, but my only junior is a boy with a face more astute in angles than in expression). It is a rum sort of work that I have to do—mostly making drawings from models in perspective; not too easy, especially as the drawings have to be finished off “up to Dick,” or they are not accepted at the Patent Office. But there’s not much in it after all. No designing, no calculations, and in a great many instances no real scale even. In fact, so long as the drawing is done quickly and immaculately got up, it does not matter a rap whether a man is as big as a monkey or not, so long as they are both good-looking. You see the main object is to make the principle of the invention clear at a glance in one view, that is why they generally are perspective. I have only been at it a day and a half, so I can’t tell you much about either the boss or the work yet, but I think we shall get on very well together. Hartley is his name, and this much is tolerably certain concerning him, he is a rising man, his business is increasing, and, as I said before, I am his senior draughtsman, therefore should he “hum,” I shall endeavour to hum too. Tell old Major that I can whistle as loud and as long as I like, and that I can smoke all day if I please. But I don’t please; that’s just the rummy part of it. Now in Hawk’s shanty they don’t like whistling, and for the life of me I couldn’t keep quiet there. Also they object to the fumes of tobacco, therefore they missed many a half hour of my time, which was spent in sacrificing to the king of weeds. Here, in a free country, I can do as I please, and yet, for some reason or another, I don’t do it. The office is on the fourth flat of the Victoria Chambers—good height up you see. My lamp is going out—must shut up for to-night.... Well,
I’ve just come down again from up a height, as they say in your part of the world. I finished my first drawing to-day, was highly commended, and gave it my junior to trace. My second job is a patent saw-sharpening affair for circular saws. They want half-a-dozen different plane views, and a perspective arrangement, to be worked up from a few rough tracings, a rougher specification, and a photograph with a man in it—the patentee, I believe—so if I flatter him in the matter of unlikeness he is bound to be well pleased. I don’t know yet, though, if he has to go in or not. The Patent Office is bound to keep a record, in pictures or models, of the results of mens’ brains, whether eccentric or otherwise, but not of the general appearance of their possessors. More’s the pity, I think; for from what I have seen of the models in the Patent Office, they would furnish specimens for the phrenological study of mental imbecility for generations to come. I only had time just to run through the model rooms, but here is the idea of a patent which tickled me immensely. It was simply a lot of wooden geese fastened at the end of long sticks all over and around a boat. They were grouped together in most picturesque confusion, some standing on their heads and some on their tails, and some, I believe, supposed to be flying. The idea was that when real live geese saw this affair like a mad Noah’s ark on the water, they would recognise their brethren and come flocking along to be shot by the other goose inside with the gun. Perhaps being geese they would do just that, but then what depravity on the part of the warlike one thus to take advantage of the eccentricities of his fellows. I have never seen the affair used. It does not seem to have made great progress in the good opinion of the public. Perhaps, after all, the bloodthirsty quacker, who offers to the irreverant eye this melancholy evidence of insanity, had a cynically low opinion of his kind, causing him to believe that geese were geese enough to be deceived by him, the greatest goose of the lot. I must shut up, or I shall do something flighty. I wish you’d come and punch my head, or do something of that sort. Here have I been working all day, and now I’m writing all night, or at least I’ve just written it. There’s a fellow here feels like punching somebody, but you see he’s all alone, and he knows how I might hurt himself. Besides, he’s writing to my dear brother, so he does not want to stop me, or else you know he’d never get the letter. You understand, don’t you? Of course you do. It’s as clear as mud. I’m writing with somebody else’s ink, that’s all. Between you and me (there’s plenty of room, old boy; chuck your elbows out, and sp—t where you please), that’s why he writes such rubbish. I’m going to write now. You’ll see the difference at once when I begin. The room I now occupy as I pen these lines, belongs to the ancient style of architecture known as the Five-dollar Boarding-house Rectangular (he can’t afford to go on writing like that, it’s too expensive). Excuse me, my dear sir, I must crave your permission to condense slightly the style of my caligraphy. Her Majesty’s Postmaster has a prejudice against the carrying of letters which exceed one ton in weight. I was, I believe, describing the beauties of my apartment. To proceed at once to details, there is a stove-pipe that comes in at the wall and goes out at the ceiling, a peculiarity by no means uncommon in edifices of the before-mentioned class—the object of the design being the economical warming of the whole structure by means of one stove, generally of the severely-dilapidated style. There is also, on the opposite side of the room, an antique sofa, celebrated for having been too forcibly sat upon, probably by some athletic hero on his return from victory. However that may be, the sofa remains to this day tabooed to mortal forms, though the present owner has informed me that “It reely is goin’ to be fixed up all noo like, when I gets a few more boarders.” From the mixed dialect observable in the form of which intimation I gather that the original language of the aborigines is not altogether lost to their posterity. There are also various other specimens of that style of furniture, which is generally admitted to be contemporary with the peculiar type of architecture of which I write, but I am debarred by lack of space from giving them a full description, or mentioning the legends connected with each. The beautifully-carved cornices, of the sheep-skin and bees’-wax order, the elaborate mural—. Oh, gammon! Many happy returns of the twenty-sixth of last month to you, old boy. I quite forgot my own birthday, so it could hardly be expected that I should remember yours. People often do what they’re not expected to, however, and I did remember your birthday—after it was all over that is to say. I remembered that yours was on the twenty-sixth by talking to somebody about something or other that was going to happen somewhere about that date, and then of course it came into my head that I had passed mine over without observing the feast. Pot said in a letter he wrote to me, that he hoped my birthday might be the day on which I should hear of some good job, or do something which should turn out to be a stroke of good fortune. Curiously enough, it was on the nineteenth that I learned that a good opening had occurred for Henry, and that if I liked to take a rather rough fanning job, I could get myself stuck likewise. That part of the offer I did not accept, and I think by what has since happened, that my refusal was judgematical. Moreover, the very next day I heard of a more congenial matter in the hammer-and-tongs department of my august profession. A village blacksmith, a horny-handed son of toil, generously offered to feed and lodge me for as long as I liked to stop, in return for my services in his forge. The offer was the more magnanimous in that he was not in any particular need of assistance, but was willing to stretch a point (a proceeding that would stump Professor Euclid, by the way,) considering that I was in particular need of a job. No doubt, like all Yankees, he had an eye on the dollars’ question, and argued, with most praiseworthy perception, that being an engineer and one who by his own representation had seen a good deal of forge work, I might prove a very lucrative spec. But then he promised that if he found that through my agency the money came in faster than it did before, he would give me my fair share of the profits so accruing. So I says to him says I, “See here, stranger, if I don’t get into a hole between now and this day fortnight, you’ll see me again. So leave the door open, will you?” He promised to do just that; and, in fact, he said that I could come and start right away whenever I pleased. So if this present exalted position of mine should fail me—for, as I said before, it may only be a temporary affair—why, slick I shall go away down to my particular friend the village blacksmith. Well, I must wind up; it’s getting late. If ever you should be goaded by an uneasy conscience into writing me another letter, just let me know what is going on “on the banks of the coaly Tyne.” Who is anybody, and where is he, etc. How is Bill Hawes, and give him my love for himself and family. Remember me especially to M. Moorshead, Esq. Tell him he missed a treat when I went away without standing him a drink; it was the bitter(less)est! day of his life. Is Edison still at the redoubtable No. 14? Reach your toe out and kick him if he is, and tell him I don’t love him. By-the-bye, how’s the canoe getting on? Is it finished? Has anybody been drowned? If so, how many? And did I owe them anything? There’s no chance of its being the other way on. If you see any of the old club fellows knocking about, tell them they can expect a lock of my hair on receipt of P.O.O. for one dollar. In fact say boo to every goose you meet.
Your loving Brother,
J. Seton Cockburn.
Present Address:
202, Bank Street,
Ottawa, P.O.,
Canada.