“The time had now come when God, by his providence and grace, was about to interpose to enlist the patriotic soldier in another kind of warfare; when, to his mind, so fond of those departments of truth which appealed only to reason and sense, was to be opened a more inspiring field; when the persevering and delighted student of history was to see and appreciate the connection between the most stirring scenes and mightiest revolutions in this world’s affairs and God’s great plan of redemption, to which all the events of time are made subordinate.
“Detecting himself in an irreverent use of the name of God, as before related, he was convicted of its sinfulness, and retired to his beautiful grove, and there, in meditation on the works of nature and Providence, he endeavored to penetrate the mystery of the connection between the present and a future state of existence.
“As a farmer, he had had more leisure for reading; and he was at an age when the future of man’s existence will demand a portion of his thoughts. He found that his former views gave him no assurance of happiness beyond the present life. Beyond the grave, all was dark and gloomy. To use his own words: “Annihilation was a cold and chilling thought, and accountability was sure destruction to all. The heavens were as brass over my head, and the earth as iron under my feet. Eternity!—what was it? And death—why was it? The more I reasoned, the further I was from demonstration. The more I thought, the more scattered were my conclusions. I tried to stop thinking, but my thoughts would not be controlled. I was truly wretched, but did not understand the cause. I murmured and complained, but knew not of whom. I knew that there was a wrong, but knew not how or where to find the right. I mourned, but without hope.” He continued in this state of mind for some months, feeling that eternal consequences might hang on the nature and object of his belief.
“The anniversary of the battle of Plattsburg—September 11—was celebrated in all that region, for some years, with much enthusiasm. In 1816, arrangements had been made for its observance, by a ball, at Fairhaven. The stirring scenes of the late campaign being thus recalled, Captain Miller entered into the preparations for the expected festivities with all the ardor of the soldier. In the midst of these, it was announced that Dr. B. would preach on the evening previous to the ball. In the general gathering to that meeting, Captain Miller and his help attended, more from curiosity than from other actuating cause.
“They left Captain Miller’s house in high glee. The discourse was from Zech. 2:4: ‘Run! speak to this young man!’ It was a word in season. On their return, Mrs. M., who had remained at home, observed a wonderful change in their deportment. Their glee was gone, and all were deeply thoughtful, and not disposed to converse in reply to her questions respecting the meeting, the ball, &c. They were entirely incapacitated for any part in the festive arrangements. Other managers of the ball were equally unfitted for it; and the result was that it was indefinitely postponed. The seriousness extended from family to family, and in the several neighborhoods in that vicinity meetings for prayer and praise took the place of mirth and the dance.
“On the Lord’s day following, it devolved on Captain Miller, as usual in the minister’s absence, to read a discourse of the deacons’ selection. They had chosen one on the Importance of Parental Duties. Soon after commencing, he was overpowered by the inward struggle of emotion, with which the entire congregation deeply sympathized, and took his seat. His deistical principles seemed an almost insurmountable difficulty with him. Soon after, ‘suddenly,’ he says, ‘the character of a Saviour was vividly impressed upon my mind. It seemed that there might be a Being so good and compassionate as to himself atone for our transgressions, and thereby save us from suffering the penalty of sin. I immediately felt how lovely such a Being must be; and imagined that I could cast myself into the arms of, and trust in the mercy of, such an One. But the question arose, How can it be proved that such a Being does exist? Aside from the Bible, I found that I could get no evidence of the existence of such a Saviour, or even of a future state. I felt that to believe in such a Saviour without evidence would be visionary in the extreme.
“‘I saw that the Bible did bring to view just such a Saviour as I needed; and I was perplexed to find how an uninspired book should develop principles so perfectly adapted to the wants of a fallen world. I was constrained to admit that the Scriptures must be a revelation from God. They became my delight; and in Jesus I found a friend. The Saviour became to me the chiefest among ten thousand; and the Scriptures, which before were dark and contradictory, now became the lamp to my feet and light to my path. My mind became settled and satisfied. I found the Lord God to be a Rock in the midst of the ocean of life. The Bible now became my chief study, and I can truly say, I searched it with great delight. I found the half was never told me. I wondered why I had not seen its beauty and glory before, and marveled that I could have ever rejected it. I found everything revealed that my heart could desire, and a remedy for every disease of the soul. I lost all taste for other reading, and applied my heart to get wisdom from God.’
“Mr. Miller immediately erected the family altar; publicly professed his faith in that religion which had been food for his mirth, by connecting himself with the little church that he had despised; opened his house for meetings of prayer; and become an ornament and pillar in the church, and an aid to both pastor and people. The die was cast, and he had taken his stand for life as a soldier of the cross, as all who knew him felt assured; and henceforth the badge of discipleship, in the church or world, in his family or closet, indicated whose he was and whom he served.
“His pious relations had witnessed with pain his former irreligious opinions; how great were their rejoicings now! The church, favored with his liberality, and edified by his reading, but pained by his attacks on their faith, could now rejoice with the rejoicing. His infidel friends regarded his departure from them as the loss of a standard-bearer. And the new convert felt that henceforth, wherever he was, he must deport himself as a Christian, and perform his whole duty. His subsequent history must show how well this was done.
“To the church, his devotion of himself to his Master’s service was as welcome as his labors were efficient. The opposite party, especially the more gifted of them, regarded him as a powerful, and, therefore, a desirable, antagonist. He knew the strength of both parties. That of the former he had often tested, when, in his attacks, though they might have been silenced, he had felt that he had a bad cause; and the weakness of the latter had been forcibly impressed on him in his fruitless efforts to assure himself that they were right. He knew all their weak points, and where their weapons could be turned against them. They were not disposed to yield the ground without a struggle, and began their attack on him by using the weapons and assailing the points which characterized his own former attacks on Christianity; and to this fact, under God, is probably owing his subsequent worldwide notoriety.