3. "Mrs —— presents her compliments to the 'elderly bachelor,' and in order to amuse him by her credulity encloses 17 stamps, and thus claims the promised present. Her position and circumstances are good, she mixes in gay society, and is quite an adept at dancing the polka mazourka. These details may determine the suitability of the present."
4. "Having read your advertisement testing the 'credulity of the public,' I feel disposed on my part to test the upright and honourable intentions of a stranger, contrary to the opinion of some, who tell me it is only a hoax, or, worse, a mere take-in. I therefore, with the honesty of an Irishman, beg to say I am a clerygyman's wife, mother of nine children,—the six eldest fine enterprising sons; the three youngest, engaging, intelligent girls. We Irish generally have larger hearts than purses. I therefore lay these facts before you, an Englishman, knowing that a Briton's generosity and capabilities are proverbially equal.—Hoping I may be able to prove I have formed a correct opinion of advertiser's truthfulness, I am," &c.
After this we may afford to smile, and use the words of a very old author with every confidence of their freshness: "Oh, where shall wisdom be found? where is the place of understanding?"
CHAPTER XIV.
STRANGE ADDRESSES.
The addresses of letters passing through the post have often very curious features, arising from various causes: sometimes the whole writing is so bad as to be all but illegible; sometimes the orthography is extremely at fault; sometimes the writer, having forgotten the precise address, makes use of a periphrase; sometimes the addresses are insufficient; and sometimes the addresses are conjoined with sketches on the envelopes showing both artistic taste and comic spirit. Post-office sorters, who constantly have passing through their hands writing of every style and every degree of badness, acquire an aptitude for deciphering manuscript; and writing must be bad indeed, if to be read at all, when it fails to be deciphered in the Post-office. A very large collection might be made of the vagaries of writers in the addresses placed by them on letters; but the following will give some idea, though not a complete idea, of one of the troubles met with in dealing with post-letters.
Some time ago the Danish and Norwegian Consul at Ipswich, being struck by the ever-varying way in which the word "Ipswich" was spelt in the addresses of letters reaching him from abroad, took the pains to make a record of each new style of spelling, and after a time he was able to collect together fifty-seven incorrect methods of spelling the word "Ipswich," which had been used upon letters addressed to him. They are given as follows, viz.:—
Elsfleth, Epshvics, Epshvidts, Epsids, Epsig, Epsvet, Epsvidts, Epwich, Evswig, Exwig, Hoispis, Hvisspys, Ibsvi, Ibsvig, Ibsvithse, Ibwich, Ibwigth, Ispsich, Ie yis wich, Igswield, Igswig, Igswjigh, Ipesviok, Ipiswug, Ipswitis, Ipsiwisch, Ipsovich, Ipsveten, Ipsvick, Ipsvics, Ipsvids, Ipsvidts, Ipsvig, Ipsvikh, Ipsvits, Ipsvitx, Ipsvoigh, Ipsweh, Ipsweich, Ipswgs, Ipswiche, Ipswick, Ipswict, Ipswiceh, Ipswig, Ipswigh, Ipswight, Ipswish, Ipswith, Ipswitz, Ispich, Ispovich, Ispwich, Ixvig, Iysuich, Uibsvich, Vittspits.
Letters so addressed generally reached the Consul in direct course of post, though some of them were occasionally delayed by being first sent to Wisbeach. In other cases assistance was given in reading the addresses by the northern version of the county "Suffolg" following the word intended for Ipswich.