It was very difficult for me to speak of Carlton and our wonderful life that is buried out there on the mountain side, but he is indeed sympathetic and never interrupted the long and frequent silences that my inmost memory created. The logs burnt in halves and fell with myriad sparks and display to the sides of the fireplace, but we touched them not. He seemed to realize that Carlton and I were not married in the eyes of the law. How he divined it I do not know, unless it is that he has an uncanny way of reading one's thoughts. He said that he knew and that he understood, and further, that I am a stronger and better woman for all that I have suffered and done. He wants me to leave my West and live again in New York, where he hopes to recreate in me the old feeling for him which he so ruthlessly squandered, when it was his own.
He is earnest and sad and I wish that I might care again, for he needs help and so do I, and at least, with our past experiences we might escape some of the ways of wounding each other that married people seem to possess in such unlimited quantities.
Toward midnight the last candles that Tokacon had placed in the sconces, flickered and went out. The helpless embers flared up for the last time, then sank down resigned. Donald knelt beside me sobbing bitterly, with his head upon my knee. All seems to be grief here on this earth—nothing but grief! For answer I raised his head and kissed his eyes, then fetched a candle and lighted him to his room. I showed him my Indian, sleeping outside my door,—which he never forsakes except to allow me to pass.
Long into the still night I heard sobs, and opening my door I found Tokacon swaying to and fro near Donald's room. He seems to understand grief more keenly than any cultivated mind that I have ever known, and he never intrudes, though it takes a mighty effort for him to suppress his own sympathy.
At last it grew quiet and we all rested though we did not sleep. The next morning baby and I walked with Donald to the bower where we had met him, and there we parted. Tokacon came and carried the baby back to the bungalow and I followed later on when I felt sufficiently calm to go about my simple duties again. I am not a connoisseur in consciences, therefore I want days and still more days in which to think and weigh, then maybe a decision will come to me as an inspiration.
Donald will see you as soon as he returns to New York—be honest with him and yet beneficent.
A thousand kisses from my son and me.
December 1.