The death of self is not accomplished at once. It is for some time a living death. Its opposite, spiritual life, is represented by Ezekiel's vision of the dry bones. First, the bones were rejoined; afterwards covered with sinews; then the flesh appeared; and finally, the spirit of the Lord animated them. When the soul begins to incline towards God, it finds many obstructions; but in proportion as we yield to the will of God, these obstructions are removed. The following simile will help to illustrate my idea. The rivers empty themselves into the sea; before they lose themselves there. Wave by wave following its course, seems to urge onward the river, to lose itself in the sea. God imparts to the soul some waves of pure love, to urge on the soul to himself; but as the river does not lose itself in the sea, until its own waters are exhausted, so the soul reaches God, and loses itself in God, only when the means of supply from self are at an end. As the waves, which are precipitated into the sea, roll many times before they are lost in the sea, so the soul undergoes many changes, before it is received into God.
The results of self-crucifixion are happy, because God then becomes all to the soul. We lose self, and substitute God in its place. We take away the finite, and receive the Infinite. This is blessed.
NO DEPENDENCE ON INSTRUMENTS.
What shall I say regarding the state in which you find yourself, in relation to me? I have no movement either to promote our re-union, or hinder it. Let God direct. Are you leaning upon him, or upon the creature? If on the creature, it is a bruised reed, which will fail you. God sometimes makes use of instruments, whom he finds it necessary afterwards to reject. If he designs to remove me from you, can I have any wish to retain you? God forbid. He may design this separation, to make you die to any confidence in the creature. He may no longer design to use me for your benefit. I might have mingled my own impurity, with his pure light flowing through me. If God permit me to err, it is on account of my pride. I have never given you any assurance of my infallibility. What am I but an erring creature? Leave me, leave me, and unite yourself only to God, who will never mislead you. Means are good, only in the order of God. They injure us, if we rest in them. If God remove me from you, acquiesce in his will, with a devotion worthy of a child of God. Be humble, and courageous enough to own your fault, in leaning on an arm of flesh. Men of the world may be obstinate, but the child of God should be supple. Whatever separation there may be between us, believe me, you will always be dear to me in our dear Lord. I hope, when you are lost in him, you will find this little drop of water, (myself) in the same great ocean of love.
CHILD OF GOD SOON TO DIE.
I have had a presentiment that you would not survive this illness. I lose in you the most faithful, and the only friend on whom I could rely, in the persecutions which threaten me. I feel my loss, but rejoice in your happiness, I could envy you. Death only lends a helping hand to rend away the veil, which hides infinite beauties. Our Lord has strongly cemented our souls. May the benediction of the divine Master rest upon you. Go, blessed soul, and receive the recompense prepared for all those, who are wholly the Lord's. Go, we separate in the name of the Lord; I cannot say a last adieu, for we shall be forever united in him. I hope, in the goodness of God, to be present with you in heart and spirit, at the time of your departure, and to receive with you, the divine Master who is waiting for you. Be my ambassador in the courts above, and say to him I love him.