" 'That will make two dollars,' said Mr. Seelye.
"This brought forth another oath.
" 'Three dollars,' said the sturdy justice.
"Nothing but oaths were given in reply, until Esquire Seelye declared the damage to the Connecticut laws to amount to fifteen dollars.
"Crofut took out a twenty-dollar bill and handed it to the justice of the peace, with an oath.
" 'Sixteen dollars,' said Mr. Seelye, counting out four dollars to hand to Mr. Crofut as his change.
" 'Oh, keep it, keep it,' said Crofut, 'I don't want any change; I'll d——n soon swear out the balance.' He did so, after which he was more circumspect in his conversation, remarking that twenty dollars a day for swearing was about as much as he could stand."
About this time Barnum appeared, on at least one occasion, in the role of lawyer. A man charged with assault and battery was brought before the justice of the peace, Barnum's grandfather, for trial. A medical student, Newton by name, had volunteered to defend the prisoner, and Mr. Couch, the grand juryman, in irony, offered Phineas a dollar to represent the State. The court was crowded. The guilt of the prisoner was established beyond a doubt, but Newton, undaunted, rose to make his speech. It consisted of a flood of invective against the grand juryman, Couch; the court listened for five minutes, and then interrupted a magnificent burst of eloquence by informing the speaker that Mr. Couch was not the plaintiff in the case at all.
"Not the plaintiff!" stammered Newton; "well, then, your honor, who is?"
"The State of Connecticut," was the answer.