The Chronicles of Aunt Minervy Ann

by Joel Chandler Harris

“Terreckly here dey come. Dey kinder quiet down when dey see me an’ Marse Tumlin. Dey driv up, dey did, an’ driv on by, an’ dis make me b’lieve dat dey wuz gwine on ’bout der bizness an’ let we-all go on ’bout our’n, but dat idee wa’n’t in der head. Dey driv by, dey did, an’ den dey pulled up. We walkt on, an’ Marse Tumlin lookt at um mighty hard. Rube, he was drivin’, an’ ez we come up even wid um, he ’low, ‘Major Perdue, I hear tell dat you slap my pa’s face not so mighty long ago.’ Marse Tumlin say, ‘I did, an’ my han’ ain’t clean yit.’ He helt it out so dey kin see fer deyse’f. ‘I b’lieve,’ sez Rube, ‘I’ll take a closer look at it.’ Wid dat he lipt out er de buggy, an’ by de time he hit de groun’, Marse Tumlin had knockt ’im a-windin’ wid his curly-hick’ry walkin’-cane. By dat time, John Henry had jumpt out’n de buggy, an’ he went at Marse Tumlin wid a dirk-knife. He kep’ de cane off’n his head by dodgin’, but Marse Tumlin hit a back lick an’ knock de knife out’n his han’ an’ den dey clincht. Den Rube got up, an’ start to’rds um on de run.

“Well, suh, I wuz skeer’d an’ mad bofe. I seed sump’n had ter be done, an’ dat mighty quick; so I tuck atter Rube, cotch ’m by de ellybows, shoved ’im ahead faster dan he wuz gwine, an’ steer’d ’im right to’rds de caved-in place in de brier-bushes. He tried mighty hard ter stop, but he wuz gwine down hill, an’ I had de Ol’ Boy in me. I got ’im close ter de place, suh, an’ den I gi’ ’m a shove, an’ inter de briers he went, head over heels. All dis time I had de rock in my han’. By de time I turn ’roun’ I see Sam a-comin’. When de rumpus start up, his hoss shied an’ made a break down de hill wid ’im, but he slew’d ’im ’roun’, an’ jumped off, an’ here he come back, his face red, his hat off, an’ ol’ Nick hisse’f lookin’ out’n his eyes. I know’d mighty well I can’t steer him inter no brier-bush, an’ so when he run by me I let ’im have de rock in de burr er de year. ’Twa’n’t no light lick, suh; I wuz plum venomous by den; an’ he went down des like a beef does when you knock ’im in de head wid a ax.”

Aunt Minervy Ann, all unconscious of her attitudes and gestures, had risen from the floor, and now stood in the middle of the room, tall, towering, and defiant.

“Den I run ter whar Marse Tumlin an’ John Henry Gossett had been scufflin’; but by de time I got dar John Henry squalled out dat he had ’nuff; an’ he wa’n’t tellin’ no lie, suh, fer Marse Tumlin had ketched his cane up short, an’ he used it on dat man’s face des like you see folks do wid ice-picks. He like to ’a’ ruint ’im. But when he holla dat he got ’nuff, Marse Tumlin let ’im up. He let ’im up, he did, an’ sorter step back. By dat time Rube wuz a-climbin’ out’n de briers, an’ Sam wuz makin’ motions like he comin’-to. Marse Tumlin say, ‘Lemme tell you cowardly rascals one thing. De nex’ time a’er one un you bat his eye at me, I’m gwine ter put a hole right spang th’oo you. Ef you don’t b’lieve it, you kin start ter battin’ um right now.’ Wid dat, he draw’d out his ervolver an’ kinder played wid it. Rube say, ‘We’ll drap it, Major; we des had a little too much licker. But I’ll not drap it wid dat nigger dar. I’ll pay her fer dis day’s work, an’ I’ll pay ’er well.’

“Well, suh, de way he say it set me on fire. I stept out in de middle er de road, an’ ’low, ‘Blast yo’ rotten heart, ef you’ll des walk out here I’ll whip you in a fa’r fight. Fight me wid yo’ naked han’s an’ I’ll eat you up, ef I hatter pizen myse’f ter do it.’”

Once more Aunt Minervy Ann brought the whole scene mysteriously before me. Her eyes gleamed ferociously, her body swayed, and her outstretched arm trembled with the emotion she had resummoned from the past. We were on the spot. The red hill-side, the hedges of Cherokee roses, Major Perdue grim and erect, Sam Gossett struggling to his feet, John Henry wiping his beaten face, Rube astounded at the unwonted violence of a negro woman, the buggy swerved to one side by the horse searching for grass—all these things came into view and slowly faded away. Aunt Minervy Ann, suddenly recollecting herself, laughed sheepishly.

“I ain’t tellin’ you no lie, suh, dat ar Rube Gossett stood dar like de little boy dat de calf run over. He mought er had sump’n ugly ter say, but Marse Tumlin put in. He ’low, ‘Don’t you fool yo’se’f ’bout dis nigger ’oman. When you hit her you hits me. Befo’ you put yo’ han’ on ’er you come an’ spit in my face. You’ll fin’ dat lots de cheapes’ way er gittin’ de dose what I got fer dem what hurts Minervy Ann.’

“Well, suh, dis make me feel so funny dat a little mo’ an’ I’d a got ter whimperin’, but I happen ter look ’roun’, an’ dar wuz our ol’ cow lookin’ at me over a low place in de briers. She done got in de fiel’ by a gap back up de road, an’ dar she wuz a-lookin’ at us like she sorry. Wid me, suh, de diffunce ’twixt laughin’ an’ cryin’ ain’t thicker dan a fly’s wing, an’ when I see dat ol’ cow lookin’ like she ready ter cry, I wuz bleeze to laugh. Marse Tumlin look at me right hard, but I say, ‘Marse Tumlin, ol’ June lis’nin’ at us,’ an’ den he laughed.

“Dem Gossett boys brush deyse’f off good ez dey kin an’ den dey put out fer home. Soon ez dey git out er sight, Marse Tumlin started in ter projickin’. He walk all ’roun’ me a time er two, an’ den he blow out his breff like folks does when dey er kinder tired. He look at me, an’ say, ‘Well, I be dam!’ ‘Dat would ’a’ been de word,’ sez I, ‘ef ol’ Minervy Ann hadn’t ’a’ been here dis day an’ hour.’ He shuck his head slow. ‘You hit de mark dat time,’ sez he; ‘ef you hadn’t ’a’ been here, Minervy Ann, dem boys would sholy ’a’ smasht me; but ef I hadn’t ’a’ been here, I reely b’lieve you’d ’a’ frailed out de whole gang. You had two whipt, Minervy Ann, an’ you wuz hankerin’ fer de yuther one. I’ll hatter sw’ar ter de facts ’fo’ anybody’ll b’lieve um.’ I ’low ‘’Tain’t no use ter tell nobody, Marse Tumlin. Folks think I’m bad ’nuff now.’