The Chronicles of Aunt Minervy Ann

by Joel Chandler Harris

“Hamp ’low, he did, ‘Dat ain’t nothin’, bekaze when I ax you ter marry me, you start in an’ tell me ’bout a nigger gal’ cross dar in Jasper County, which she make promise fer ter marry a man an’ she crossed her heart; an’ den when de time come she stood up an’ marry ’im an’ fin’ out ’tain’t de same man, but somebody what she ain’t never see’ befo’.’

“I ’speck dat’s so, suh, bekaze dey wuz sump’n like dat happen in Jasper County. You know de Waters fambly—dey kep’ race-hosses. Well, suh, ’twuz right on der plantation. Warren Waters tol’ me ’bout dat hisse’f. He wuz de hoss-trainer, an’ he ’uz right dar on de groun’. When de gal done married, she look up an’ holler, ‘You ain’t my husban’, bekaze I ain’t make no promise fer ter marry you.’ De man he laugh, an’ say, ‘Don’t need no promise atter you done married.’

“Well, suh, dey say dat gal wuz skeer’d—skeer’d fer true. She sot an’ look in de fire. De man sot an’ look at ’er. She try ter slip out de do’, an’ he slipped wid ’er. She walked to’rds de big house, an’ he walkt wid ’er. She come back, an’ he come wid ’er. She run an’ he run wid ’er. She cry an’ he laugh at ’er. She dunner what to do. Bimeby she tuck a notion dat de man mought be de Ol’ Boy hisse’f, an’ she drapped down on her knees an’ ’gun ter pray. Dis make de man restless; look like he frettin’. Den he ’gun ter shake like he havin’ chill. Den he slip down out’n de cheer. Den he got on his all-fours. Den his cloze drapped off, an’ bless gracious! dar he wuz, a great big black shaggy dog wid a short chain roun’ his neck. Some un um flung a chunk of fire at ’im, an’ he run out howlin’.

“Dat wuz de last dey seed un ’im, suh. Dey flung his cloze in de fire, an’ dey make a blaze dat come plum out’n de top er de chimbley stack. Dat what make me tell Hamp ’bout it, suh. He ax me fer ter marry ’im, an’ I wan’t so mighty sho’ dat he wan’t de Ol’ Boy.”

“Well, that is queer, if true,” said I, “but how about Mr. Conant’s crippled shoulder?”

“Oh, it’s de trufe, suh. Warren Waters tol’ me dat out’n his own mouf, an’ he wuz right dar. I dunno but what de gal wuz some er his kinnery. I don’t min’ tellin’ you dat ’bout Marse Paul, suh, but you mustn’t let on ’bout it, bekaze Marse Tumlin an’ Miss Vallie des’ ez tetchous ’bout dat ez dey kin be. I’d never git der fergivunce ef dey know’d I was settin’ down here tellin’ ’bout dat.

“You know how ’twuz in dem days. De folks what wuz de richest wuz de wussest off when de army come home from battlin’. I done tol’ you ’bout Marse Tumlin. He ain’t had nothin’ in de roun’ worl’ but a whole passel er lan’, an’ me an’ Miss Vallie. I don’t count Hamp, bekaze Hamp ’fuse ter b’lieve he’s free twel he ramble ’roun’ an’ fin’ out de patterollers ain’t gwine ter take ’im up. Dat how come I had ter sell ginger-cakes an’ chicken-pies dat time. De money I made at dat ain’t last long, bekaze Marse Tumlin he been use’ ter rich vittles, an’ he went right down-town an’ got a bottle er chow-chow, an’ some olives, an’ some sardines, an’ some cheese, an’ you know yo’se’f, suh, dat money ain’t gwine ter las’ when you buy dat kin’ er doin’s.

“Well, suh, we done mighty well whiles de money helt out, but ’tain’t court-week all de time, an’ when dat de case, money got ter come fum some’rs else ’sides sellin’ cakes an’ pies. Bimeby, Hamp he got work at de liberty stable, whar dey hire out hosses an’ board um. I call it a hoss tavern, suh, but Hamp, he ’low its a liberty stable. Anyhow, he got work dar, an’ dat sorter he’p out. Sometimes he’d growl bekaze I tuck his money fer ter he’p out my white folks, but when he got right mad I’d gi’ Miss Vallie de wink, an’ she’d say: ‘Hampton, how’d you like ter have a little dram ter-night? You look like youer tired.’ I could a-hugged ’er fer de way she done it, she ’uz dat cute. An’ den Hamp, he’d grin an’ ’low, ‘I ain’t honin’ fer it, Miss Vallie, but ’twon’t do me no harm, an’ it may do me good.’

“Dat money ain’t gwine ter las’ when you buy dat kin’ er doin’s.”