The Chronicles of Aunt Minervy Ann

by Joel Chandler Harris

“Des like I tell you, suh—she skipped ’roun’ dar, an’ flung on ’er Sunday frock, shuck out ’er curls, an’ sorter fumble’ ’roun’ wid some ribbons, an’ dar she wuz, lookin’ des ez fine ez a fiddle, ef not finer. Den she swep’ inter de parlor, an’, you mayn’t b’lieve it, suh, but she mighty nigh tuck de man’s breff ’way. Mon, she wuz purty, an’ she ain’t do no mo’ like deze eve’y-day gals dan nothin’. When she start ’way fum me, she wuz a gal. By de time she walk up de hall an’ sweep in dat parlor, she wuz a grown ’oman. De blush what she had on at fust stayed wid ’er an’ look like ’twuz er natchual color, an’ her eyes shine, suh, like she had fire in um. I peeped at ’er, suh, fum behime de curtains in de settin’-room, an’ I know what I’m talkin’ ’bout. It’s de Lord’s trufe, suh, ef de men folks could tote derse’f like de wimmen, an’ do one way whiles dey feelin’ annuder way, dey wouldn’t be no livin’ in de worl’. You take a school gal, suh, an’ she kin fool de smartest man what ever trod shoe leather. He may talk wid ’er all day an’ half de night, an’ he never is ter fin’ out what she thinkin’ ’bout. Sometimes de gals fools deyse’f, suh, but dat’s mighty seldom.

“I dunner what all dey say, kaze I ain’t been in dar so mighty long ’fo’ I wuz noddin’, but I did hear Marse Paul say he des drapt in fer ’pollygize ’bout a little joke he played on Marse Tumlin. Miss Vallie ax what wuz de joke, an’ he ’low dat Marse Tumlin wuz banterin’ folks fer ter buy his wil’ lan’; an’ Marse Paul ax ’im what he take fer it, an’ Marse Tumlin ’low he’ll take anything what he can chaw, sop, er drink. Dem wuz de words—chaw, sop, er drink. Wid dat, Marse Paul say he’d gi’ ’im a box er terbarker, a bairl er syr’p, an’ a kaig er peach brandy an’ th’ow in his buggy-hoss fer good medjer. Marse Tumlin say ‘done’ an’ dey shuck han’s on it. Dat what Marse Paul tol’ Miss Vallie, an he ’low he des done it fer fun, kaze he done looked inter dat wil’ lan’, an’ he ’low she’s wuff a pile er money.

“Marse Tumlin ’low he’ll take anything what he can chaw, sop, er drink.”

“Well, suh, ’bout dat time, I ’gun ter nod, an’ de fus news I know’d Miss Vallie wuz whackin’ ’way on de peanner, an’ it look like ter me she wuz des tryin’ ’erse’f. By dat time, dey wuz gettin’ right chummy, an’ so I des curl up on de flo’, an’ dream dat de peanner chunes wuz comin’ out’n a bairl des like ’lasses.

“When I waked up, Marse Paul Conant done gone, an’ Marse Tumlin ain’t come, an’ Miss Vallie wuz settin’ dar in de parlor lookin’ up at de ceilin’ like she got some mighty long thoughts. Her color wuz still up. I look at ’er an’ laugh, an’ she made a mouf at me, an’ I say ter myse’f, ‘Hey! sump’n de matter here, sho,’ but I say out loud, ‘Marse Paul Conant sho gwine ter ax me ef you ain’t had a dram.’ She laugh an’ say, ‘What answer you gwine ter make?’ I ’low, ‘I’ll bow an’ say, “No, suh; I’m de one dat drinks all de dram fer de fambly.”’

“Well, suh, dat chile sot in ter laughin’, an’ she laugh an’ laugh twel she went inter highsterics. She wuz keyed up too high, ez you mought say, an’ dat’s de way she come down ag’in. Bimeby, Marse Tumlin come, an’ Miss Vallie, she tol’ ’m ’bout how Marse Paul done been dar; an’ he sot dar, he did, an’ hummed an’ haw’d, an’ done so funny dat, bimeby, I ’low, ‘Well, folks, I’ll hatter tell you good-night,’ an’ wid dat I went out.”

At this point Aunt Minervy leaned forward, clasped her hands over her knees, and shook her head. When she took up the thread of her narrative, if it can be called such, the tone of her voice was more subdued, almost confidential, in fact.

“Nex’ mornin’ wuz my wash-day, suh, an’ ’bout ten o’clock, when I got ready, dey want no bluin’ in de house an’ mighty little soap. I hunted high an’ I hunted low, but no bluin’ kin I fin’. An’ dat make me mad, bekaze ef I hatter go down town atter de bluin’, my wash-day’ll be broke inter. But ’tain’t no good fer ter git mad, bekaze I wuz bleeze ter go atter de bluin’. So I tighten up my head-hankcher, an’ flung a cape on my shoulders an’ put out.

“I ’speck you know how ’tis, suh. You can’t go down town but what you’ll see nigger wimmen stan’in’ out in de front yards lookin’ over de palin’s. Dey all know’d me an’ I know’d dem, an’ de las’ blessed one un um hatter hail me ez I go by, an’ I hatter stop an’ pass de time er day, kaze ef I’d ’a’ whipt on by, dey’d ’a’ said I wuz gwine back bofe on my church an’ on my color. I dunner how long dey kep’ me, but time I got ter Proctor’s sto’, I know’d I’d been on de way too long.