3. (b) He is commanded, secondly, to hate himself; that is, to condemn in himself whatever is pleasing and acceptable to the flesh; as honor, luxury, revenge, anger, avarice, and whatever else savors of the flesh. He is to crucify the flesh with its affections and lusts, and to abhor in himself its whole offspring, as the work of the devil himself, tending only to increase and nourish the perverse seed of original depravity. And such self-abhorrence in a sinner, will then of necessity be followed by pleading guilty, and by looking upon himself as one worthy of eternal death.

4. (c) The third lesson enjoined in these words, consists in taking up the cross, and in following the Lord: that is, that we, not with a morose and discontented, but with a ready mind, bear all manner of sufferings, and deem ourselves worthy, not only of these, but even of far more grievous afflictions. Thus Christ himself, whose example is set before us, “endured the cross, and despised the shame” (Heb. 12:2), thereby teaching us, that in “quietness and confidence shall be our strength.” Isa. 30:15. And all that is comprehended in the imitation of, or following after, Christ.

5. Upon the whole, these things make it appear, that a soul truly humble and penitent, thinks itself unworthy of all divine benefits, and even of daily food and refreshment. And this accords with the example of Christ himself, who, parched with thirst on the cross, and having vinegar given him mixed with gall, said no more, than, “It is finished.” John 19:30. This was the reason also, that the true penitents under the old law judged themselves entirely unworthy of any good thing. They put sackcloth on their bodies, and sat in ashes. They satisfied their hunger with bread taken from the ashes, and quenched their thirst with water mingled with tears; as a testimony that they did not deserve any cleaner or better food, but merited rather to eat and to drink with their food, the very tears that trickled upon it.

6. Now the cause of this great self-abasement, was that profound sense with which they were affected, that, on account of their sin, they deserved an eternal curse and condemnation. This consideration lays the returning sinner very low. He deems himself utterly unworthy even of the least of the benefits of God. An illustration of this we have in Mephibosheth, the son of Jonathan. When David was raised to the royal dignity, he called to mind the kindness of his friend Jonathan, who formerly had delivered him out of the hand of his father Saul; and commanding search to be made, whether there remained any of Jonathan's family, to whom he might make a suitable return of thanks; he at last found Mephibosheth, a lame and poor man, who, being ordered by David to eat bread at the king's table, bowed himself, and exclaimed: “What is thy servant, that thou shouldest look upon such a dead dog as I am?” 2 Sam. 9:8. This is a pattern, indeed, of a soul truly contrite in spirit and penitent in heart, and, therefore, sensible of both its own unworthiness, and of all the mercies bestowed on it by the Lord. And truly we may, with far greater reason, make use of [pg 203] the same humble speech, whenever the Lord our God vouchsafes to us, as it were, the food of his own table, and in the Holy Supper gives us his body and blood to eat and drink.

7. In like manner does the Prodigal Son, after his repentance, express his sorrowful mind to his Father: “Father,” says he, “I am no more worthy to be called thy son; make me as one of thy hired servants.” Luke 15:19. The woman of Canaan was even content to be called a dog, if she were but permitted to “eat of the crumbs falling from the master's table.” Matt. 15:27. Peter says to the Lord: “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man!” (Luke 5:8); that is, I am not worthy that thou shouldest have any further converse with me. And the centurion of Capernaum was of the same mind: “Lord,” says he, “I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof.” Matt. 8:8. So also St. Paul professes himself to be “not meet to be called an apostle” (1 Cor. 15:9): and declares, that he “counted not his life dear unto him, so that he might finish his course with joy.” Acts 20:24. This inward sense of self-abasement David expresses when he speaks of “eating ashes like bread, and mingling his drink with weeping.” If the heart of a Christian be brought to a sense of this vileness, then it is truly contrite and humble, and fit to be made a living sacrifice unto the Lord. Ps. 51:19.

8. A second property of true repentance, is, to grieve at nothing so much as at the offences offered to God himself. This is intimated in these words: “Because of thine indignation and thy wrath, for thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down.” That is, Of all my other miseries and griefs, the greatest and most insupportable, is the sense I have of my having so heinously offended the infinitely good, holy, and righteous God.

9. Since God is nothing but love, grace, righteousness, goodness, and mercy, yea, the original source of all virtue, He must of necessity be offended with every sin committed by men; since the nature of sin is directly opposite to the nature of God. Thus by injustice, the justice of God is offended, he being justice itself. By lying, the truth of God is offended, he being truth itself. By hatred the love of God is offended, he being love itself. In a word, since God is the perfection of all virtue, goodness, and love, it can be no other than diabolical malice to offend such infinite goodness, such immense love, nay, Love itself. Had he at any time injured us, it might be no such great wonder, if we hated him, and offended him in our turn: but now, that he gives us nothing but what is good—soul, body, and life itself; that he feeds and clothes us; that he heals our body when it is sick; yea, pardons our sins when we pour out to him our souls; is ready to receive us into favor, as often as we return; now that he has given us his only Son with the Holy Spirit, yea, and Himself too, and adopted us into the number of his children: and having done all this for men, to be yet offended, opposed, and hated by them, is a madness, a malice altogether unaccountable and monstrous. Would it not be most wicked and impious to kill him who gave thee life; to beat and wound him, who kindly embraced and cherished thee in his bosom; to insult and affront him, who heaped honors and dignities upon thee; and to disown and reject him, who had chosen thee for his son? But all these, and far greater indignities, thou offerest to thy heavenly Father, [pg 204] to the supreme, the righteous, the holy God, whom angels adore and fear, and whom seraphim worship with the acclamations of “Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the whole earth is full of his glory!” Isa. 6:3. And thou, who art but dust and ashes, art not afraid to offend him! If a penitent man earnestly calls to mind this monstrous sin, it is impossible but he must be affected with the keenest sorrow of heart, and feel the smart of his wounded conscience to equal and even exceed that of a wounded body. And there is all the reason in the world why it should be so. For hence must necessarily arise a dread and terror, inwardly threatening the conscience with wrath and judgment, and outwardly setting before it the approach of temporal calamities: whence a man, even as Job complains (ch. 6:1, etc.), finds no rest, takes no delight in anything, loathing even his meat and drink. These terrible pangs of conscience are described by David: “Thine arrows,” says he, “stick fast in me: and thy hand presseth me sore.” Ps. 38:2. For as a wound grievously smarts and grows worse whilst the arrow remains fixed in it; so also it is with the conscience, whilst the sting of sin and judgment is not taken away. And these lashes and clamors proceed from nothing but the sentence of divine justice proclaimed in the conscience, and the terrors of hell and death attending it. Therefore, David exclaims, “Thou hast lifted me up, and cast me down:” like one thrown down from a lofty rock into a low valley, who is so bruised and maimed, that not one sound limb remains.

10. But how terrible soever the fear of the judgments of God may prove to an awakened conscience, yet is there some ground of comfort; since the prophet tells us, that these arrows, these threats, these terrors, are the arrows and terrors of God himself. And it is God, who having thereby wounded and broken the heart, heals and restores it again. It is he that killeth, and it is He that maketh alive; He boweth down, and He raiseth again (Ps. 146:8); He bringeth down to the grave, and He bringeth up again. 1 Sam. 2:6.

11. Whosoever, therefore, accounts and feels nothing to be more bitter and grievous, than to have offended God, the infinite Good, and Love itself; he only has experimentally learned the doctrine of contrition, and laid a firm foundation for sound and genuine godliness. This was one of David's acts of repentance: “Against thee,” says he, “Thee only, have I sinned.” Ps. 51:4. As if he had said, “This is my anguish and sorrow, that I have offended thee.” And Daniel thus expresses himself: “Lord, righteousness belongeth unto thee, but unto us, confusion of face,” because we have offended so righteous a God. Dan. 9:7.

12. The third property of repentance is contained in these words: “My days are like a shadow that declineth; and I am withered like grass.” That is, a heart truly penitent, is deeply sensible of its own weakness. It entirely despairs of its own strength and ability, knowing itself to be as destitute of life and power, as the very shadow; and as empty of spirit and moisture, as the grass that fadeth away. The same is affirmed in another Psalm: “Behold, thou hast made my days as a handbreadth, and mine age is as nothing before thee: verily, every man at his best state is altogether vanity.” Ps. 39:5.