NIC. FROG.—With all my heart; I love exact dealing. And let Hocus audit; he knows how the money was disbursed.
JOHN BULL.—I am not much for that at present; we'll settle it between ourselves. Fair and square, Nic., keeps friends together. There have been laid out in this lawsuit, at one time, 36,000 pounds and 40,000 crowns. In some cases I, in others you, bear the greatest proportion.
NIC FROG.—Right; I pay three-fifths of the greatest number, and you pay two-thirds of the lesser number. I think this is fair and square, as you call it.
JOHN BULL.—Well, go on.
NIC FROG.—Two-thirds of 36,000 pounds are 24,000 pounds for your share, and there remains 12,000 for mine. Again, of the 40,000 crowns I pay 24,000, which is three-fifths, and you pay only 16,000, which is two-fifths; 24,000 crowns make 6,000 pounds, and 16,000 crowns make 4,000 pounds; 12,000 and 16,000 make 18,000, 24,000 and 4,000 make 28,000. So there are 18,000 pounds to my share of the expenses, and 28,000 to yours.
After Nic. had bamboozled John awhile about the 18,000 and the 28,000, John called for counters; but what with sleight of hand, and taking from his own score and adding to John's, Nic. brought the balance always on his own side.
JOHN BULL.—Nay, good friend Nic., though I am not quite so nimble in the fingers, I understand ciphering as well as you. I will produce you my accounts one by one, fairly writ out of my own books; and here I begin with the first. You must excuse me if I don't pronounce the law terms right.
[John reads.]
For the expenses ordinary of the suits, fees to judges, puisne judges, lawyers innumerable of all sorts:—
Of extraordinaries, as follows per account..
To Esquire South's account for post terminums..
To ditto for non est factums..
To ditto for noli prosequis, discontinuance, and retraxit..
For writs of error..
Suits of conditions unperformed..
To Hocus for dedimus protestatem..
To ditto for a capias ad computandum..
To Frog's new tenants per account to Hocus, for audita querelas..
On the said account for writs of ejectment and distringas..
To Esquire South's quota for a return of a non est invent
and nulla habet bona..
To —— for a pardon in forma pauperis..
To Jack for a melius inquirendum upon a felo-de-se..
To coach-hire..
For treats to juries and witnesses..