‘By Thomas Saffold, an Approved and Licensed Physician and Student in Astrology, who (through God’s Mercy), to do good, still liveth at the Black Ball and Old Lilly’s Head, next Door to the Feather-Shops that are within Black-fryers Gate-way, which is over against Ludgate Church, just by Ludgate in London. Of him the Poor, Sore, Sick, and Lame may have Advice for nothing, and proper Medicines for every particular Distemper, at reasonable Rates ready prepared, with plain Directions how to use them, to cure either Men, Women, or Children of any Disease or Diseases afflicting any Body, whether inward or outward, of what Name or Nature soever (if Curable); Also of this you may be sure, he hath Medicines to prevent as well as Cure.
‘Lastly, He doth with great certainty and privacy: Resolve all manner of Lawful Questions, according to the Rules of Christian Astrology, and more than Twenty One Years’ Experience.’
Talk of modern quacks—they are but second-rate to Saffold! His Pillulæ Londinenses, or London pills, were advertised that ‘not only the meaner sort of all Ages and each Sex, but people of Eminence, both for their Rank in the World and their parts, have found admirable success in taking these Pills.’
This panacea was warranted to cure ‘Gout, Dropsy, Coma, Lethargy, Caries, Apoplexy, Palsy, Convulsions, Falling Sickness, Vertigo, Madness, Catarrhs, Headache, Scald, and Sore Heads, sore Eyes, Deafness, Toothache, sore Mouth, sore and swollen Throat, foul Stomach, bad Digestion, Vomiting, Pain at the Stomach, sour Belching, Colic, Twisting of the Guts, Looseness, Worms, all Obstructions of the Pancreas, of the Mesaraic Veins, of the passages of the Chyle, and of the Liver and Spleen, the Jaundice, Cachexy, Hypochondriac Melancholy, Agues, Itch, Boils, Rheumatism, Pains and Aches, Surfeits by Eating and Hard Drinking, or by Heats and Colds (as some call them).’
Then there comes a charming bit of candour almost sufficient to disarm the unwary: ‘They are also good in taking the Waters. I would not advise them by any means in the Bloody Flux, nor in continual Fevers, but they are good to purge after either of those Diseases is over, or to carry off the Humor aforehand. They must also be foreborn by Women with Child. Otherwise they are good for any Constitution, and in any Clime. They are Durable many years, and good at Sea as well as on Land.’
Thomas Saffold knew well the value of advertising, and scattered his very varied handbills broadcast. Presumably, like modern quacks, he made money. Of course he died, and his epitaph is as follows (he originally was a weaver):
‘Here lies the Corpse of Thomas Saffold,
By Death, in spite of Physick, baffled;
Who, leaving off his working loom,
Did learned doctor soon become.
To poetry he made pretence,
Too plain to any man’s own sense;
But he when living thought it sin
To hide his talent in napkin;
Now Death does Doctor (poet) crowd
Within the limits of a shroud.’
There was a harmless remedy advertised, even though it was a fraud—and this was the loan, or sale, of necklaces to be worn by children in teething.
THE FAMOUS AND VIRTUOUS NECKLACES.
‘One of them being of no greater weight than a small Nutmeg, absolutely easing Children in Breeding Teeth without Pain; thereby preventing Feavers, Ruptures, Convulsions, Rickets, and such attendant Distempers, to the Admiration of thousands of the City of London, and Counties adjoining, who have experienced the same, to their great comfort and satisfaction of the Parents of the Children who have used them. Besides the Decrease in the Bills of Mortality, apparent (within this Year and a half) of above one half of what formerly Dyed; and are now Exposed to sale for the Publick good, at five shillings each Necklace, &c.’