"It is with infinite pleasure we hear, that the Bishops in their respective dioceses, in conjunction with the opulent pluralists and other beneficed Clergy, are advancing the stipends, and making contributions, for their necessitous Curates, in these times of scarcity. A liberality (or rather an act of justice) which most probably originated with the Bishop of London, who declared in his Charge to the Clergy of his dioceses, as long since as the year 1790, that he would licence no Curate to a single church under £50, nor to two under £70 per an."—(Times, Aug. 13, 1795.)
"That practical bulls are not confined to Ireland, take the following specimen: A tradesman of this city, out of charity, took a French boy into his family, who was sent out one evening in a great hurry for butter. His haste threw him into the kennel, butter and all. This was an unfortunate mishap: the dirt he could scrape off, but that partial adhesion of water to grease could not so easily be removed. At last he hit upon an experiment: The maid was bawling out for the butter—'Well, well,' quoth Jaques, 'you shall have it quickly. I had the misfortune to wet it, and have just hung it up on a string, before the great stove—it will be dry in a moment, for it dripped before I came away.'"—(Times, Aug. 21, 1795.)
"What would our forefathers have thought to see a board with this inscription:—'With the nicest taste, and by men most exquisite for their professional abilities' over a Barber's shop?"—(Times, Aug. 21, 1795.)
"EPIGRAM. In utramque paratus.
"How shall we Dr. Drawl obey,
His different counsel keep:
Whose Text advises 'Watch and pray,'
Whose Sermon bids you 'Sleep.'"
—(Times, Aug. 27, 1795.)
"In an advertisement addressed to a young lady who has eloped, she is most earnestly requested to return to her most disconsolate parents: but it is added, that if she does not choose to come herself, she is most particularly desired to send the key of the tea chest!"—(Times, Sept. 4, 1795.)
"The grand match of Cricket, for one thousand guineas, between Kent and All England, was some days since terminated at Dandelion,[21] in favour of Kent."—(Times, Sept. 15, 1795.)
"A Clergyman in Essex, who had long farmed his tythes alternately among his parishioners, began at last to suspect that the rogues endeavoured to keep the income of his small living still less, and so determined, this year at least, to take his tythes in kind. To 'Cheat the Parson' is one of the oldest jokes in the history of agriculture, and stands on the same authority with the wittier malevolence of distressing him. These gentlemen, determined not to be behindhand with their predecessors: and, in the last harvest, sent to the Parson to take away his hay the moment it was cut down, alleging, that as soon as it was cut into swathes, it was no longer grass, and that he might turn it, and cook it, himself. Rather than 'go to law' the Parson submitted, and took his next Sunday's text on brotherly kindness, beginning thus—'Brotherly kindness may be divided into three parts—domestic affection—social love—and charity: from all which proper inferences may be drawn for instruction. Thus brethren, I give you a sermon in swathes—you may turn it, and cook it, yourselves.' The plan succeeded; his parishioners doubled the income, acknowledging it even then less than it should be: and thus, what justice, and law, might have kept from him for years, was given up to a clerical joke."—(Times, Sept. 19, 1795.)
"A curious circumstance occurred here (Brighton) yesterday. Sir John Lade, for a trifling wager, undertook to carry Lord Cholmondely, on his back, from opposite the Pavilion, twice round the Steine. Several ladies attended to be spectators of this extraordinary feat of the dwarf carrying a giant. When his Lordship declared himself ready, Sir John desired him to strip. 'Strip!' exclaimed the other: 'why surely you promised to carry me in my clothes!' 'By no means,' replied the Baronet. 'I engaged to carry you, but not an inch of clothes. So therefore, my Lord, make ready, and let us not disappoint the ladies.' After much laughable altercation, it was at length decided that Sir John had won his wager, the Peer declining to exhibit in puris naturalibus."—(Times, Oct. 2, 1795.)