The civil power was utterly unable to cope with riots of this description. What were the watchmen like? From the time of Dogberry to the institution of the present police they have ever been a laughing-stock. Old, infirm men, badly paid, incumbered with a long staff and a lantern, perambulated the streets under the authority of a constable. Who cared for them? Certainly not a Mohock. Nay, their very honesty was called in question. 'Two of them like honest fellows, handed me home to my Chambers, without so much as stealing my Hat or picking my pockets which was a Wonder.'
A CONSTABLE.
Ward gives an amusing little sketch of their venality.
'Civil and Sober Persons, said he, how do I know that, Mr. Prattle Box? You may be Drunk for ought I know, and only feign yourselves Sober before my presence to escape the penalty of the Act.
'My Friend puts his Hand in his Pocket, plucks out a Shilling, Indeed, Mr. Constable, says he, we tell you nothing but the Naked Truth. There is something for your Watch to Drink; We know it is a late Hour, but hope you will detain us no longer.
'With that Mr. Surly Cuff directs himself to his right hand Janizary, Hem, hah, Aminidab, I believe they are Civil Gentlemen; Ay, ay, said he, Master, you need not question it; they don't look as if they had Fire balls about 'em. Well, Gentlemen, you may pass; but Pray go civilly home. Here, Colly, light the Gentlemen down the Hill, they may chance to Stumble in the Dark, and break their Shins against the Monument.'
What sings Gay of watchmen?
Yet there are Watchmen, who with friendly Light,
Will teach thy reeling Steps to tread aright;
For Sixpence will support thy helpless Arm,
And Home conduct thee, safe from nightly Harm;
But if they shake their Lanthorns, from afar,
To call their Breth'ren to confed'rate War,
When Rakes resist their Pow'r; if hapless you
Should chance to wander with the Scow'ring Crew;
Though Fortune yield thee Captive, ne'er despair,
But seek the Constable's consid'rate Ear;
He will reverse the Watchman's harsh Decree,
Mov'd by the Rhetrick of a Silver Fee.
Thus, would you gain some fav'rite Courtier's Word;
Fee not the petty Clarks, but bribe my Lord.