Mrs. Cod. Merely a stiff neck, Mrs. Lynx?
Cod. All my wife’s fault. I sat for five days in this attitude—(Holding his head up stiffly.)—If I wanted to look at any body on my left, I was obliged to turn my whole body thus. If any one spoke to me on my right, I could only attend to them by pivotting so. If I wished to see what was going on behind me, I was obliged to whirl round like a weathercock at a sudden change in the wind;—but how dy’e think I did it? How dy’e think I managed my movements?
Mrs. Lynx. I really can’t guess.
Cod. ’Twas the only thing I could hit upon. I sat upon my wife’s music-stool—for five whole days. I ate, drank, lived and twirled upon a music-stool;—all through sitting in a draught—do shut your windows, there’s a dear.
Mrs. Cod. You’ll suffocate me some day, Coddle—I know you will. You don’t know what a life I lead with him, Mrs. Lynx—five blankets in July—think o’that.
Cod. Highly necessary—we are more liable to take cold in hot weather, than in any other. I always have four colds, one rheumatism, and two stiff necks every July.
Mrs. Cod. What d’ye think he did a week ago, Mrs. Lynx? I had retired early: in the middle of the night I awoke in such a state of alarm—I really thought the room beneath us was on fire—the air of my apartment was so hot, so sultry, that I could not draw my breath. I gasped for air; What can be the matter, I said to myself? Surely I’ve been suddenly transported to the Indies, and there is a thunder-storm brewing. I rose—I opened the windows—
Cod. And almost killed me on the spot; there was a strong north wind blowing at that moment—enough to wither one.—Imprudent woman.
Mrs. Cod. ’Twas a fine bracing night breeze—but out of kindness to Coddle, I immediately closed the windows—Phew. Oh, gracious, had you but have felt the heat—I fainted away in the easy chair—Coddle rang the bell—the servants came—and to my horror, we discovered that Coddle had clandestinely introduced a German stove into the bed-room, and there it was, red hot. Think what a person of my temperament must have endured. I’ve been ill ever since.
Cod. Doctor Heavysides recommended it; he said ’twas the only thing that could save my life, and rescue me from a threatened pulmonary complaint. I’ve had a wheezing cough ever since its removal—barbarous woman!—(Coughs.)