There is a man, when he first prostrates himself before God, doth it with desires as warm as fire coals; but erewhile he finds, for all that, that the metal of those desires, were it not revived with fresh supplies, would be quickly spent and grow cold.[6] But yet the desire is good, and only good, as it comes from the breathing of the Spirit of God within us. We must therefore, as I said, distinguish betwixt what is good and that which doth annoy it, as gold is to be distinguished from the earth and dross that doth attend it. The man that believed desired to believe better, and so cries out, ‘Lord, help mine unbelief’ (Mark 9:24). The man that feared God desired to fear him better, saying, ‘I desire to fear thy name’ (Neh 1:11). But these desires failed, as to the performance of what was begun, so that they were forced to come off but lamely, as to their faith and fear they had; yet the desires were true, good, and such as was accepted of God by Christ; not according to what they had not, but as to those good motions which they had. Distinguish then the desires of the righteous in the nature of them, from that corruption and weakness of ours that cleaveth to them, and then again, ‘they are only good.’
(3.) There is another thing to be considered, and that is, the different frames that our inward man is in while we live as pilgrims in the world. A man, as he is not always well without, so neither is he always well within. Our inward man is subject to transient, though not to utter decays (Isa 1:5). And as it is when the outward man is sick, strength and stomach, and lust, or desire fails, so it is when our inward man has caught a cold likewise (Eze 34:4).
The inward man I call the new creature, of which the Spirit of God is the support, as my soul supports my body. But, I say, this new man is not always well. He knows nothing that knows not this. Now being sick, things fail. As when a man is not in health of body, his pulse beats so as to declare that he is sick; so when a man is not well within, his inward pulse, which are his desires—for I count the desires for the pulse of the inward man—they also declare that the man is not well within. They beat too little after God, weak and faintly after grace; they also have their halts, they beat not evenly, as when the soul is well, but so as to manifest all is not well there.
We read that the church of Sardis was under sore sickness, insomuch that some of her things were quite dead, and they that were not so were yet ready to die (Rev 3:2). Yet ‘life is life,’ we say, and as long as there is a pulse, or breath, though breath scarce able to shake a feather, we cast not away all hope of life. Desires, then, though they be weak, are, notwithstanding, true desires, if they be the desires of the righteous thus described, and therefore are truly good, according to our text. David says he ‘opened his mouth and panted,’ for he longed for God’s commandments (Psa 119:131). This was a sickness, but not such a one as we have been speaking of. The spouse also cried out that she was ‘sick of love.’ Such sickness would do us good, for in it the pulse beats strongly well (Cant 5:8).
[Some objections answered.]
Object. But it may be objected, I am yet in doubt of the goodness of my desires, both because my desires run both ways, and because those that run towards sin and the world seem more and stronger than those that run after God, and Christ, and grace.
Answ. There is not a Christian under heaven but has desires that run both ways, as is manifest from what hath been said already. Flesh will be flesh; grace shall not make it otherwise. By flesh I mean that body of sin and death that dwelleth in the godly (Rom 6:6). As grace will act according to its nature, so sin will act according to the nature of sin (Eph 2:3). Now, the flesh has desires, and the desires of the flesh and of the mind are both one in the ungodly; thank God it is not so in thee! (Rom 7:24). The flesh, I say, hath its desires in the godly; hence it is said to lust enviously; it lusts against the Spirit; ‘The flesh lusteth against the Spirit’ (Gal 5:17). And if it be so audacious as to fly in the face of the Holy Ghost, wonder that thou art not wholly carried away with it! (Rom 7:25).
Object. But those desires that run to the world and sin seem most and strongest in me.
Answ. The works of the flesh are manifest; that is, more plainly discovered even in the godly than are the works of the Holy Ghost (Gal 5:19). And this their manifestation ariseth from these following particulars:
1. We know the least appearance of a sin better by its native hue than we know a grace of the Spirit. 2. Sin is sooner felt in its bitterness to and upon a sanctified soul than is the grace of God. A little aloes will be sooner tasted than will much sweet, though mixed therewith. 3. Sin is dreadful and murderous in the sight of a sanctified soul: wherefore the apprehending of that makes us often forget, and often question whether we have any grace or no. 4. Grace lies deep in the hidden part, but sin lies high, and floats above in the flesh; wherefore it is easier, oftener seen than is the grace of God (Psa 51:6). The little fishes swim on the top of the water, but the biggest and best keep down below, and so are seldomer seen. 5. Grace, as to quantity, seems less than sin. What is leaven, or a grain of mustard seed, to the bulky lump of a body of death (Matt 13:31-33). 6. Sin is seen by its own darkness, and also in the light of the Spirit; but the Spirit itself neither discovers itself, nor yet its graces, by every glance of its own light. 7. A man may have the Spirit busily at work in him, he may also have many of his graces in their vigorous acts, and yet may be greatly ignorant of either; wherefore we are not competent judges in this case. There may a thousand acts of grace pass through thy soul, and thou be sensible of few, if any, of them.[7] 8. Do you think that he that repents, believes, loves, fears, or humbles himself before God, and acts in other graces too, doth always know what he doth? No, no; grace many times, even in a man, is acted by him, unawares unto him. Did Gideon, think you, believe that he was so strong in grace as he was? Nay, was he not ready to give the lie to the angel, when he told him God was with him? (Judg 6:12,13). Or what do you think of David, when he said he was cast off from God’s eyes? (Psa 31:22). Or of Heman, when he said he was free among them whom God remembered no more? (Psa 88). Did these, then, see their graces so clear, as they saw themselves by their sins to be unworthy ones? I tell you it is a rare thing for some Christians to see their graces, but a thing very common for such to see their sins; yea, and to feel them too, in their lusts and desires, to the shaking of their souls.