As I looked at her distant sails, which came in sight when we got atop of the billows, they seemed to be gliding further and further away each fresh time that I saw them, showing that there was no wind; so, knowing that a boat would have to pull all that distance against a heavy head sea in order to fetch us, I almost despaired of our being picked up.
No one but those who have undergone a similar experience, can imagine the utter loneliness that strikes upon the heart of a solitary swimmer, struggling in the middle of the ocean for dear life. The sea never looks so terribly wide and vast as then, the sky never so far off, as he gazes upwards in piteous entreaty; while the elements appear to mock his puny efforts to reach the receding vessel containing his comrades of a moment ago, who now seem basely leaving him to perish!
These thoughts flashed through my mind as I struck out in the direction of the Esmeralda. All the sins and omissions of my past life then rose before my mental kaleidoscope, making me conscious of my unpreparedness to die, and yet want of justification to live; but I struck out bravely nevertheless, and I need hardly say, I did not whisper a word of my fears to the mate, who kept silent and motionless the while, without incommoding my efforts.
My strokes got slower and slower, for the wash of the sea over us every now and then was terribly fatiguing; for, although I was very strong for my age, and powerfully built, still the strain of supporting Mr Macdougall besides myself, was more than I was able to manage—the strongest man couldn’t have done it.
He saw this even before I did, and took away his hand from my shoulder.
“Let me bide, laddie,” he said. “You’ve doon your best to save me, but you canna do’t mair; gang awa’ and save your ain sel’.”
“No I won’t, Mr Macdougall,” I cried, stopping and treading water for a minute or two, while he imitated my example. “If I’m saved, you shall be saved; and if you drown, I’ll drown too!”
“That’s bravely said, laddie,” he replied, “but your streength will na let you bear my lumpy karkus. I’m a meesereeble sinner, ye ken, and it’s na richt as a brave lad lik’ you should lose his ain life for a worthless loon lik’ me!”
“No more of that, Mr Macdougall!” I cried, stoutly. “I made up my mind to try and save you when I jumped overboard after you; and save you now I will, with God’s help—so there’s no use trying to prevent me! Now put your hand on my shoulder again, for it’s time for us to be moving on after our rest.”
The short “spell off” from swimming had rested me, and I struck out once more with renewed vigour, my progress with the mate in tow being now much more rapid, for the sea was calming down, beginning to feel the cessation of the wind.