But of all the stories told of surgeons who have grown fat at the expense of the public, the best is the following one, for which Mr. Alexander Kellet, who died at his lodgings in Bath, in the year 1788 is our authority. A certain French surgeon residing in Georgia was taken prisoner by some Indians, who having acquired from the French the art of larding their provisions, determined to lard this particular Frenchman, and then roast him alive. During the culinary process, when the man was half larded, the operators were surprised by the enemy, and their victim, making his escape, lived many days in the woods on the bacon he had in his skin.
If full reliance may be placed on the following humorous verses, it is not unknown for a physician to be paid in commodities, without the intervention of the circulating medium, or the receipt of such creature comforts as Johnson's friendly apothecary was wont to accept in lieu of cash:—
"An adept in the sister arts,
Painter, poet, and musician,
Employ'd a doctor of all parts,
Druggist, surgeon, and physician.
"The artist with M.D. agrees,
If he'd attend him when he grew sick,
Fully to liquidate his fees
With painting, poetry, and music.
"The druggist, surgeon, and physician,
So often physick'd, bled, prescribed,
That painter, poet, and musician
(Alas! poor artist!) sunk—and died.
"But ere death's stroke, 'Doctor,' cried he,
'In honour of your skill and charge,
Accept from my professions three—
A hatchment, epitaph, and dirge.'
A double fee for good news has long been a rule in the profession. A father just presented with an heir, or a lucky fellow just made one, is expected to bleed freely for the benefit of the Faculty.
"Madam scolded one day so long,
She sudden lost all use of tongue!
The doctor came—with hum and haw,
Pronounc'd th' affection a lock'd jaw!
'What hopes, good sir?'—'Small, small, I see!'
The husband slips a double fee;
'What, no hopes, doctor?'—'None, I fear;'
Another fee for issue clear.
"Madam deceased—'Pray, sir, don't grieve!'
'My friends, one comfort I receive—
A lock'd jaw was the only case
From which my wife could die—in peace.'"