“A fool show that’ll never get beyond Stamford. Now when you hear that I’ve done it you wont be surprised.”
“Done what?”
“Killed myself.”
They walked without speaking. It had started to rain. Down the street behind the low greenblack shoebox houses there was an occasional mothpink flutter of lightning. A wet dusty smell came up from the asphalt beaten by the big plunking drops.
“There ought to be a subway station near.... Isn’t that a blue light down there? Let’s hurry or we’ll get soaked.”
“Oh hell Tony I’d just as soon get soaked as not.” Jimmy took off his felt hat and swung it in one hand. The raindrops were cool on his forehead, the smell of the rain, of roofs and mud and asphalt, took the biting taste of whiskey and cigarettes out of his mouth.
“Gosh it’s horrible,” he shouted suddenly.
“What?”
“All the hushdope about sex. I’d never realized it before tonight, the full extent of the agony. God you must have a rotten time.... We all of us have a rotten time. In your case it’s just luck, hellish bad luck. Martin used to say: Everything would be so much better if suddenly a bell rang and everybody told everybody else honestly what they did about it, how they lived, how they loved. It’s hiding things makes them putrefy. By God it’s horrible. As if life wasn’t difficult enough without that.”
“Well I’m going down into this subway station.”