It being his will, we went to my house, sixteen carriages going with us. Quite a number of Brigham's company had gone by Kanab, to Cedar City, to hold meetings in what settlements they would pass through. The arrangements of the committee were treated with indifference by Brigham and his party. All the company but one carriage went to my house; that one stopped at Brother James Pace's. During their stay at my house all were friendly. Brigham asked me to go with them to Cedar City, which I did.
In 1870, some time in the fall, I went from Parowan by way of Panguich, up the Severe River with Brigham, on a trip to the Pareah country. On this trip I was appointed a road commissioner, with ten men to go ahead, view out and prepare the road for Brigham and his company to travel over. While at Upper Kanab I had a private interview with him, concerning my future. Brigham said he thought I had met with opposition and hardships enough to entitle me to have rest the balance of my life; that I had best leave Harmony, and settle in some good place farther south; build up a home and gather strength around me. After a while we would cross over into Arizona Territory, near the San Francisco Mountains, and there establish the order of Enoch, or United Order. We were to take a portable steam sawmill and cut lumber with which to build up the southern settlements, and I was to run the mill in connection with Bishop Stewart. This I consider an additional honor shown me by the Prophet.
From Upper Kanab I was sent across the mountains to Lower Kanab, to Bishop Stewart's, to have him carry supplies for the Prophet and company. I had to travel sixty miles without a trail, but I was glad of a chance to perform any duty that would please the Prophet. I again met the company, and went with the party to Tokerville, where I closed arrangements with Brigham about the sawmill. All was understood and agreed upon, and we parted in a very friendly manner. About two weeks after leaving Brigham and party at Tokerville, I was notified that I had been suspended from the Church because of the Mountain Meadows affair.
The following spring I visited the Prophet at St. George, and asked him why they had thus dealt with me, without allowing me a chance to speak for myself; why they had waited seventeen years and then cut me off; why I was not cut off at once, if what I had done was evil?
"I never knew the facts until lately," he said.
"Brother Brigham, you know I told the whole story to you a short time after it happened."
The reply he made was this:
"Be a man, and not a baby. I am your friend, and not your enemy. You shall have a rehearing. Go up to the office and see Brother Erastus Snow, and arrange the time for the hearing."
We arranged the time of meeting. It was agreed that all parties interested were to be notified of the meeting, and required to be in St. George on the following Wednesday, at 2 p. m. All parties agreed to this, and after talking over the whole thing I again parted with Brigham in a very friendly manner. I went to Washington and stayed with my family there. The next morning I started for Harmony, to visit my family at that place, and make arrangements for the rehearing that was to me of the greatest consequence. I then considered that if I was cut off from the Church I might better be dead; that out of the Church I could find no joys worth living for.
Soon after I left Washington Erastus Snow, one of the twelve apostles, arrived at my house and asked for me. My family told him I had gone to Harmony to arrange for the new hearing and trial before the Church authorities. He appeared to be much disappointed at not meeting me, and told my family that Brigham had reconsidered the matter, and there would be no rehearing or investigation; that the order cutting me off from the Church would stand; that he would send a letter to me which would explain the matter, and the letter would reach Harmony about as soon as I did. On the next Tuesday night an anonymous letter was left at my house by one of the sons of Erastus Snow, with orders to hand it to me. The letter read as follows: