When I began to speak I felt an electric thrill through my whole system. I hardly knew what I said, but the people said I spoke from inspiration; none of the audience noticed my mistakes in quoting Scripture.
After dinner my companion, Stewart, proposed to travel on, and, I agreeing with him, we left the town, although the people wished us to stay and preach again. I had but little confidence in myself, and concluded to preach but seldom, until I got over my timidity or man-fearing feeling that most beginners are subject to. But I have now been a public speaker for thirty-five years, and I have not yet entirely gotten over that feeling.
We started for Cincinnati, and traveled two days and a half without food. My boots hurt my feet and our progress was quite slow. The third night we applied to a tavern keeper for lodging and food. He said we were welcome to stay in his house free, but he must have pay for what we eat.
We sat in the hall all night, for we were much reduced by hunger and fatigue. That was a miserable night indeed. I reflected the matter over and over again, scrutinized it up one side and down the other. I could not see why a servant of God should receive such treatment - that if I was in the right faith, doing the will of God, He would open up the way before me, and not allow me to perish under the sore trials then surrounding me. I had seriously considered the propriety of walking back to where the kind landlady gave us our last meal, but was soon comforted, for these words came into my mind:
"He that putteth his hands to the plow, and then looketh back, is not fit for the Kingdom of Heaven;" "If ye were of the world, then the world would love its own, but because I have chosen you out of the world, the world persecuteth you;" "Ye, and all who live godly in Christ Jesus, shall suffer persecution, while evil men and seducers wax worse and worse, deceiving and being deceived."
The Son of God Himself, when He entered upon the duties of His mission, was led into the wilderness, where He was tempted forty days and nights, and when He was hungry and asked for bread He was told, substantially, that if His mission was of God that God would feed Him, that if hungry He could turn the stones to bread and eat. I remembered that similar sayings had been thrown into our teeth. These thoughts passed through my frame like electricity - or to use the language of one of the old prophets, it was like fire shut up in my bones; I felt renewed and refreshed from head to foot, and determined to trust in the Arm that could not be broken; to conquer and subdue the passions of my nature, and by the help of God to try and bring them in subjection to the will of the Spirit, and not of the flesh, which is carnal, sensual, and devilish. I determined that there should be no lack on my part.
Daylight came at last, and we renewed our journey. I put a double guard over those evil passions that were sown thickly in my sinful nature. The passion most dreaded by me was the lust of the flesh; that I knew to be the worst enemy to my salvation, and I determined to master it, I have walked along in silence for hours, with my heart lifted up to God in prayer, pleading with Him to give me power over my passions and sinful desires, that I might conquer and drive from my mind those besetting sins that were continually warring with the Spirit, which, if cherished or suffered to remain, would wound and grieve the Spirit and drive it away. It is written, "My Spirit will not dwell in an unholy temple." Jesus said to His followers that their bodies were the temples of the Living God; that if they who had charge of those temples, or bodies, allowed them to become unholy, He would destroy that body; while to those who guarded their temples, and kept them pure and holy, He and His Father would come and take up their abode and dwell with them as a constant companion forever, even unto the end, guiding them in all truth and showing them things past, present, and to come. From day to day I kept my mind in a constant strain upon this subject. Notwithstanding, the tempter was ever on the alert, and contested every inch of ground with me.
Often, while I was in the most solemn reflections, the tempter would place before me some lovely female, possessing all the allurements of her sex, to draw my mind from the contemplation of holy things. For a moment humanity would claim the victory; but quick as thought I would banish the vision from my mind and plead with God for strength and power to resist the temptations that were besetting me and enable me to cast aside the love of sinful pleasures. The words of the Apostle Paul were appropriate for me at that and in future time, when he declared that he died daily to crucify the deeds of the flesh. So it was with me. I was convinced that I could not serve two masters, God and Mammon. When I tried to please the one I was certain to displease the other. I found that I must give myself up wholly to God and His ministry and conduct myself as a man of God, if I would be worthy of the name of a messenger of salvation. I must have the Spirit of God accompany my words and carry conviction to the honest in heart. In this way I grew in grace from day to day, and I have never seen the hour that I regretted taking up my cross and giving up all other things to follow and obey Christ, my Redeemer and Friend. I do most sincerely regret that I ever suffered myself to be captivated by the wiles of the devil, contrary to my better judgment.
Brigham teaches that the will and acts of the people must all be dictated by him, and delights in hearing the apostles and elders declare to the people that he, Brigham, is God. He claims that the people are answerable to him as to their God, that they must obey his every beck and call. It matters not what he commands or requests the people to do, it is their duty to hear and obey. To disobey the will of Brigham is a sin against the Holy Ghost, and an unpardonable sin to be wiped out only by blood atonement. I must now resume my narrative, but I will hereafter speak of Brigham more at length.
We left the Fasting Hotel, as I called it, and traveled to Hamilton, Ohio, then a neat little town. As we arrived in the center of the town I felt impressed to call at a restaurant, kept by a foreigner. It was then noon. This was the first house we had called at since morning.