viii. Cvres for the Itch. Characters. Epigrams. Epitaphs. By H. P. Scalpat qui tangitur. London, Printed for Thomas Iones, at the signs of the Blacke Rauen in the Strand. 1626. [8vo. containing pp. 142, not numbered.]
I have little doubt but that the initials H. P. may be attributed with justice to Henry Parrot, author of Laquei ridiculosi: or, Springes for Woodcocks, a collection of epigrams, printed at London in 1613[DB], 8vo. and commended by Mr. Warton, who says, that "many of them are worthy to be revived in modern collections"[DC]. To the same person I would also give The Mastive, or Young Whelpe of the Old Dogge. Epigrams and Satyrs. Lond. (Date cut off in the Bodleian copy,) 4to.—The Mouse Trap, consisting of 100 Epigrams, 4to. 1606.—Epigrams by H. P. 4to. 1608.—and The More the Merrier: containing three-score and odde headlesse Epigrams, shot (like the Fooles bolt) amongst you, light where they will, 4to. 1608[DD].
It appears from the Preface to Cvres for the Itch, that the Epigrams and Epitaphs were written in 1624, during the author's residence in the country, at the "long vacation," and the Characters[DE], which are "not so fully perfected as was meant," were composed "of later times." The following afford as fair a specimen of this part of the volume as can be produced.
"A SCOLD. (B. 5.)
Is a much more heard of, then least desired to bee seene or knowne, she-kinde of serpent; the venom'd sting of whose poysonous tongue, worse then the biting of a scorpion, proues more infectious farre then can be cured. Shee's of all other creatures most vntameablest, and couets more the last word in scoulding, then doth a Combater the last stroke for victorie. She lowdest lifts it standing at her door, bidding, wth exclamation, flat defiance to any one sayes blacke's her eye. She dares appeare before any iustice, nor is least daunted with the sight of counstable, nor at worst threatnings of a cucking-stoole. There's nothing mads or moues her more to outrage, then but the very naming of a wispe, or if you sing or whistle when she is scoulding. If any in the interim chance to come within her reach, twenty to one she scratcheth him by the face; or doe but offer to hold her hands, sheel presently begin to cry out murder. There's nothing pacifies her but a cup of sacke, which taking in full measure of digestion, shee presently forgets all wrongs that's done her, and thereupon falls streight a weeping. Doe but intreat her with faire words, or flatter her, she then confesseth all her imperfections, and layes the guilt vpon the whore her mayd. Her manner is to talke much in her sleepe, what wrongs she hath indured of that rogue her husband whose hap may be in time to dye a martyr; and so I leaue them."
"A GOOD WIFE,
Is a world of happiness, that brings with it a kingdom in conceit, and makes a perfect adiunct in societie; shee's such a comfort as exceeds content, and proues so precious as canot be paralleld, yea more inestimable then may be valued. Shee's any good man's better second selfe, the very mirror of true constant modesty, the carefull huswife of frugalitie, and dearest obiect of man's heart's felicitie. She commands with mildnesse, rules with discretion, liues in repute, and ordereth all things that are good or necessarie. Shee's her husband's solace, her house's ornament, her children's succor, and her seruant's comfort. Shee's (to be briefe) the eye of warinesse, the tongue of silence, the hand of labour, and the heart of loue. Her voice is musicke, her countenance meeknesse; her minde vertuous, and her soule gratious. Shee's a blessing giuen from God to man, a sweet companion in his affliction, and ioynt co-partner upon all occasions. Shee's (to conclude) earth's chiefest paragon, and will bee, when shee dyes, heauen's dearest creature."
FOOTNOTES:
[DB] Mr. Steevens quotes an edition in 1606, but the preface expressly states, that they were composed in 1611.—"Duo propemodum anni elapsi sunt, ex quo primum Epigrammata hæc (qualiacunque) raptim et festinanter perficiebam"—&c.
[DC] History of English Poetry, iv. 73.