“On the contrary, you show it—to me at least—even in trifles,” I said, moved by his earnestness. “Do you remember the other day, when an officer uttered a sneer at the expense of a friend of his who had turned preacher? You replied that the calling of a minister was the noblest in which any human being could engage{1}—and I regretted at that moment, that the people who laugh at you, and charge you with vicious things, could not hear you.”
{Footnote 1: His words.}
Stuart shook his head, smiling with a sadness on his lips which I had never seen before.
“They would not believe me, my dear Surry; not one would give me credit for a good sentiment or a pure principle! Am I not a drunkard, because my face is burned red by the sun and the wind? And yet I never touched spirit in all my life! I do not know the taste of it!{1} Am I not given to women? And yet, God knows I am innocent,—that I recoil in disgust from the very thought! Am I not frivolous, trifling,—laughing at all things, reverencing nothing? And yet my laughter is only from high health and animal spirits. I am young and robust; it is natural to me to laugh, as it is to be pleased with bright faces and happy voices, with colors, and music, and approbation. I am not as religious as I ought to be, and wish, with all my heart, I had the deep and devout piety of that good man and great military genius,{2} Stonewall Jackson. I can lay no claim to it, you see, Surry; I am only a rough soldier, at my hard work. I am terribly busy, and my command takes every energy I possess; but I find time to read my Bible and to pray. I pray for pardon and forgiveness, and try to do my duty, and leave the rest to God. If God calls me—and He may call me very soon—I hope I will be ready, and be able to say, ‘Thy will be done.’ I expect to be killed in this war;{3}—Heaven knows, I would have my right hand chopped off at the wrist to stop it!{4}—but I do not shrink from the ordeal before me, and I am ready to lay down my life for my country."{5}
{Footnote 1: His words.}
{Footnote 2: His words.}
{Footnote 3: His words.}
{Footnote 4: His words.}
{Footnote 5: His words.}
Stuart paused, and leaned his arm upon the rude shelf above the fireplace, passing his hand over his forehead, as was habitual with him.