Town. Your insolence is insupportable. 'Twas but this moment you suspected my virtue; and now my complexion. Put on your spectacles. No red was ever laid upon these cheeks. I'll fly thee, and die a maid, rather than live under the same roof with jealousy and caprice.
Foss. O thou spotless innocence! I cannot refrain tears of joy. Forgive me, and I'll tell thee all. These drops have been a secret in our family for many years. They are call'd the touch-stone of virginity. The males administer it to the brides on their wedding-day; and by its virtue have ascertain'd the honour of the Fossiles from generation to generation. There are family customs, which it is almost impious to neglect.
Town. Had you married a person of doubtful reputation——But me, Mr. Fossile!
Foss. I did not indeed suspect thee. But my mother obliged me to this experiment with her dying words—My wife is chaste: And to preserve her so, 'tis necessary that I have none but chaste servants about her. I'll make the experiment on all my female domesticks. [aside.] I will now, my dear, in thy presence, put all my family to the trial. Here! bid my niece, and all the maid-servants come before me.
[Calling out.
Enter Clinket, Prue, and Servants.
Give ear, all ye virgins: We make proclamation in the name of the chaste Diana, being resolv'd to make a solemn essay of the virtue, virginity, and chastity of all within our walls. We therefore advise, warn and precaution all spinsters, who know themselves blemish'd, not on any pretence whatsoever to taste these our drops, which will manifest their shame to the world by visible tokens.
Clink. I abominate all kind of drops. They interrupt the series of ideas. But [have the any power] over the virgin's dreams, thoughts, and private meditations?
Foss. No. They do not affect the motus Primo-primi, or intentions; only actualities, niece.
Clink. Then give it me. I can drink as freely of it as of the waters of Helicon. My love was always Platonick.
[drinks.
Foss. Yet I have known a Platonick lady lodge at a mid wife's.