This was to be a day of varied success. When I arrived at my hut I found a messenger sent by the queen, with a present of a goat, called "fowls for Bana, my son," and a load of plantains, called potatoes, waiting for me; so I gave the bearer fundo of mtende beads, and told again the reasons why I had not been able to call upon the queen, but I hoped to do so shortly, as the king had promised me a house near at hand. I doubt, however, whether one word of my message ever reached her. That she wanted me at her palace was evident by the present, though she was either too proud or too cautious to say so.
At night I overheard a chat between Sangizo, a Myamuezi, and Ntalo, a freed man of Zanzibar, very characteristic of their way of chaffing. Sangizo opened the battle by saying, "Ntalo, who are you?" N. "A Mguana" (freed man). S. "A Mguana, indeed! then where is your mother?" N. "She died at Anguja." S. "Your mother died at Anguja! then where is your father?" N. "He died at Anguja likewise." S. "Well, that is strange; and where are your brothers and sister?" N. "They all died at Anguja." S. (then changing the word Anguja for Anguza, says to Ntalo) "I think you said your mother and father both died at Anguza, did you not?" N. "Yes, at Anguza." S. "Then you had two mothers and two fathers—one set died at Anguja, and the other set at Anguza; you are a humbug; I don't believe you; you are no Mguana, but a slave who has been snatched from his family, and does not know where any of his family are. Ah! ah! ah!" And all the men of the camp laugh together at the wretched Ntalo's defeat; but Ntalo won't be done, so retorts by saying, "Sangizo, you may laugh at me because I am an orphan, but what are you? you are a savage—a Mshezi; you come from the Mashenzi, and you wear skins, not cloths, as men do; so hold your impudent tongue";—and the camp pealed with merry boisterous laughter again.
9th.—Early in the morning, and whilst I was in bed, the king sent his pages to request me to visit his royal mother, with some specific for the itch, with which her majesty was then afflicted. I said I could not go so far in the sun; I would wait till I received the promised palace near her. In the meanwhile I prepared to call on him. I observed, in fact, that I was an object of jealousy between the two courts, and that, if I acted skilfully and decidedly, I might become master of the situation, and secure my darling object of a passage northwards. The boys returned, bringing a pistol to be cleaned, and a message to say it was no use my thinking of calling on the king—that I must go to the queen immediately, for she was very ill. So far the queen won the day, but I did not obtain my new residence, which I considered the first step to accomplishing the greater object; I therefore put the iron farther in the fire by saying I was no man's slave, and I should not go until I got a house in the palace—Bombay could teach the boys the way to clean the pistol. The perk monkeys, however, turned up their noses at such menial service, and Uledi was instructed in their stead.
10th.—To surprise the queen, and try another dodge, I called on her with all my dining things and bedding, to make a day of it, and sleep the night. She admitted me at once, when I gave her quinine, on the proviso that I should stop there all day and night to repeat the dose, and tell her the reason why I did not come before. She affected great anger at Mtesa having interfered with my servants when coming to see her—sympathised with me on the distance I had to travel—ordered a hut to be cleared for me ere night—told me to eat my breakfast in the next court—and, rising abruptly, walked away. At noon we heard the king approaching with his drums and rattle-traps, but I still waited on till 5 p.m., when, on summons, I repaired to the throne-hut. Here I heard, in an adjoining court, the boisterous, explosive laughs of both mother and son—royal shouts loud enough to be heard a mile off, and inform the community that their sovereigns were pleased to indulge in hilarity. Immediately afterwards, the gate between us being thrown open, the king, like a very child, stood before us, dressed for the first time, in public, in what Europeans would call clothes. For a cap he wore a Muscat alfia, on his neck a silk Arab turban, fastened with a ring. Then for a coat he had an Indian kizbow, and for trousers a yellow woollen doti; whilst in his hand, in imitation of myself, he kept running his ramrod backwards and forwards through his fingers. As I advanced and doffed my hat, the king, smiling, entered the court, followed by a budding damsel dressed in red bindera, who carried the chair I had presented to him, and two new spears.
He now took his seat for the first time upon the chair, for I had told him, at my last interview, that all kings were expected to bring out some new fashion, or else the world would never make progress; and I was directed to sit before him on my grass throne. Talking, though I longed to enter into conversation, was out of the question; for no one dared speak for me, and I could not talk myself; so we sat and grinned, till in a few minutes the queen, full of smirks and smiles, joined us, and sat on a mbugu. I offered the medicine-chest as a seat, but she dared not take it; in fact, by the constitution of Uganda, no one, however high in rank, not even his mother, can sit before the king. After sundry jokes, whilst we were all bursting with laughter at the theatrical phenomenon, the Wakungu who were present, some twenty in number, threw themselves in line upon their bellies, and wriggling like fish, n'yanzigged, n'goned, and demaned, and uttered other wonderful words of rejoining—as, for instance, "Hai Minange! Hai Mkama wangi!" (O my chief! O my king!)—whilst they continued floundering, kicking about their legs, rubbing their faces, and patting their hands upon the ground, as if the king had performed some act of extraordinary munificence by showing himself to them in that strange and new position—a thing quite enough to date a new Uganda era from.
The king, without deigning to look upon his grovelling subjects, said, "Now, mother, take your medicine"; for he had been called solemnly to witness the medical treatment she was undergoing at my hands. When she had swallowed her quinine with a wry face, two very black virgins appeared on the stage holding up the double red blanket I had given the queen; for nothing, however trifling, can be kept secret from the king. The whole court was in raptures. The king signified his approval by holding his mouth, putting his head on one side, and looking askance at it. The queen looked at me, then at the blanket and her son in turn; whilst my men hung down their heads, fearful lest they should be accused of looking at the ladies of the court; and the Wakungu n'yanzigged again, as if they could not contain the gratification they felt at the favour shown them. Nobody had ever brought such wonderful things to Uganda before, and all loved Bana.
Till now I had expected to vent my wrath on both together for all past grievances, but this childish, merry, homely scene—the mother holding up her pride, her son, before the state officers—melted my heart at once. I laughed as well as they did, and said it pleased me excessively to see them both so happy together. It was well the king had broken through the old-fashioned laws of Uganda, by sitting on an iron chair, and adopting European dresses; for now he was opening a road to cement his own dominions with my country. I should know what things to send that would please him. The king listened, but without replying; and said, at the conclusion, "It is late, now let us move"; and walked away, preserving famously the lion's gait. The mother also vanished, and I was led away to a hut outside, prepared for my night's residence. It was a small, newly-built hut, just large enough for my bed, with a corner for one servant; so I turned all my men away, save one—ate my dinner, and hoped to have a quiet cool night of it, when suddenly Maula flounced in with all his boys, lighting a fire, and they spread their mbugus for the night. In vain I pleaded I could not stand the suffocation of so many men, especially of Waganda, who eat raw plantains; and unless they turned out, I should do so, to benefit by the pure air. Maula said he had the queen's orders to sleep with Bana, and sleep there he would; so rather than kick him out, which I felt inclined to do, I smoked my pipe and drank pombe all night, turning the people out and myself in, in the morning, to prepare for a small house-fight with the queen.
11th.—Early in the morning, as I expected, she demanded my immediate attendance; and so the little diplomatic affair I had anticipated came on. I began the affair by intimating that I am in bed, and have not breakfasted. So at 10 a.m. another messenger arrives, to say her majesty is much surprised at my not coming. What can such conduct mean, when she arranged everything so nicely for me after my own desire, that she might drink her medicine properly? Still I am not up; but nobody will let me rest for fear of the queen; so, to while away the time, I order Bombay to call upon her, give the quinine, and tell her all that has happened; at which she flies into a towering rage, says she will never touch medicine administered by any other hands but mine, and will not believe in one word Bombay says, either about Maula or the hut; for Maula, whose duty necessarily obliged him to take my servants before her majesty, had primed her with a lot of falsehoods on the subject; and she had a fondness for Maula, because he was a clever humbug and exceeding rogue—and sent Bombay back to fetch me, for nobody had ever dared disobey her mandates before.
It had now turned noon, and being ready for the visit, I went to see the queen. Determined to have her turn, she kept me waiting for a long time before she would show herself; and at last, when she came, she flounced up to her curtain, lay down in a huff, and vented her wrath, holding her head very high, and wishing to know how I could expect officers, with large establishments, to be turned out of their homes merely to give me room for one night; I ought to have been content with my fare; it was no fault of Maula's. I tried to explain through Nasib, but she called Nasib a liar, and listened to Maula who told the lies; then asked for her medicine; drank it, saying it was a small dose; and walked off in ill humour as she had come. I now made up my mind to sit till 3 p.m., hoping to see the queen again, whilst talking with some Kidi officers, who, contrary to the general law of the country, indulged me with some discourses on geography, from which I gathered, though their stories were rather confused, that beyond the Asua river, in the Galla country, there was another lake which was navigated by the inhabitants in very large vessels; and somewhere in the same neighbourhood there was an exceedingly high mountain covered with yellow dust, which the natives collected, etc., etc.
Time was drawing on, and as the queen would not appear of her own accord, I sent to request a friendly conversation with her before I left, endeavouring, as well as I could, to persuade her that the want of cordiality between us was owing to the mistakes of interpreters, who had not conveyed to her my profound sentiments of devotion. This brought her gracious corpulence out all smirks and smiles, preceded by a basket of potatoes for "Bana, my son." I began conversation with a speech of courtesy, explaining how I had left my brother Grant and my great friend Rumanika at Karague—hastening, in compliance with the invitation of the king, to visit him and herself, with the full hope of making friends in Uganda; but now I had come, I was greatly disappointed; for I neither saw half enough of their majesties, nor did any of their officers ever call upon me to converse and pass away the dreary hours. All seemed highly pleased, and complimented my speech; while the queen, turning to her officers, said, "If that is the case, I will send these men to you"; whereupon the officers, highly delighted at the prospect of coming to see me, and its consequence a present, n'yanzigged until I thought their hands would drop off. Then her majesty to my thorough annoyance, and before I had finished half I had to say, rose from her seat, and, showing her broad stern to the company, walked straight away. The officers then drew near me, and begged I would sleep there another night; but as they had nothing better to offer than the hut of last night, I declined and went my way, begging them to call and make friends with me.