"Buy em ov coorse if tha thinks it'll save owt."
Soa aw tuk em an' gave him four franc's an' then he shovd us each a bill in us hand an' grinned an' lifted off his hat, "One franc each if you plees gentlemons."
"Oh, be blowed!" aw sed, "tak em back we want nooan on em!" but he began quaverin abaat an' gabberin away an' whewin his arms abaat wol we wor sooin ith' middle ov a craad, soa Billy gave him th' two francs an' he bowed an' smiled as perlite as if we'd been his long lost uncles come to leeav him a fortun. We went up th' steps an' gave th' chap th' tickets but he wornt for lettin us goa in. It wor noa use tawkin to him for he could'nt understand a word we sed. Aw just began to smell a rat an' aw whispers to Billy, "Aw believe we've been done."
"Done or net done," he sed, "Awm baan in!" an' i' hauf a second th' chap flew wi his heead agean tother side o' th' passage an' Billy an' me walked in. Th' show wor gooin on, just th' same as ony other circus for owt aw could see, an' Billy stawped forrad an' made straight for th' best seeat he could find empty an' aw stuck to him for aw thowt two together in a row wor better nor one, an' aw unlawsed th' tape at wor teed raand th' middle o' mi umberel so as to give it fair play an' aw set waitin for th' rumpus. In a bit a dapper little chap comes an' touches Billy o' th' shoolder an' mooationed him to follow, but he mud as well ha tried to coax one o' th' pyramids o' Egypt; Billy nivver stirred but sat starin at two chaps ith' ring at wor playin antics wi a long powl. After a while th' same chap comes back wi other two, one on em dressed up like a malishyman ith' awkard squad, an' he touched Billy, but net just as gently as tother had done, but Billy nivver stirred, soa this chap shoves past me an' seizes him bi th' collar, (which to say th' leeast on it wor a fooilish thing to do until he'd calkilated th' weight o' th' chap,) an' th' next minit he wor dooin a flyin lowp an' turned a summerset into th' middle o' th' ring. This wor a performance'at they'd nivver seen befoor an' th' audience all jumpt up an' th' chaps wi th' powl threw it on th' sawdust an' lukt as capt as ony o' tothers. Billy stood thear like a baited bull, waitin for th' next. Aw dooant know who th' next wor but he did'nt show up. Aw could'nt help feelin a bit praad o' Billy, an' altho' awm gettin into years aw grun mi teeth an' felt detarmined at awd feight as long as a bit o' th' umberel ud hing together. But it seemed at gooid luck had'nt forsaken us for one o' th' actors coom up to us an as sooin as awd a gooid luk at his face aw knew him in a minit, for awd seen th' same chap wi Pinder's circus i' Bradforth, an' he knew me an' laffed wol aw wor feeard he'd braik his middle garment, (aw dooant know what they call it, but its that'at they sew spangles on an' devides ther legs from ther carcase,) an' aw tell'd him what had takken place, an' he tell'd tother chaps an' then he sed 'he'd made it all right for us and we must wait for him when all was over,' we promised we wod, an' aw felt a bit easier i' mi mind to know'at we'd getten another o' awr side. Th' performance went on then, but ther wor nowt in it different to what awd seen befoor an' we wor booath pleeased when it wor ovver. Herr L———t wor as gooid as his word an' wor sooin wi us, an' we walked aght withaat onybody mislestin us. It seems'at we'd been duped, for th' tickets we'd bowt wor old ens'at had been done away wi sin th' year befoor, an' when we showed th' programes he laft harder nor ivver, an' he sed, one on em wor for a theatre an' tother wor a bill o' fare for a cafe. We gat some refreshments an' then Herr L——l left us an' we set off agean i' search o' adventurs. Ther wor a craad raand a shop winder soa we went to see what it wor. It wor a pictur'at filled th' whole o' th' winder, an' if yo daat, as some fowk may, th' trewth o' what aw say, ax some o' yor friends'at's been, an' if that will'nt satisfy, read what th' "Graphic" correspondent says. It wor th' figure ov a woman, dressed ith' same fashion'at Adam an' Eve wore befoor they sewed fig leeavs together. It wor moor nor life size an' shoo wor shown standin on her heead, an' th' artist had taen gooid care'at yo should'nt mistak it for a man. It wor surraanded wi dumb-bells, indian clubs, an' different gymnastic implements, an' aw wor informed after'at it wor an advertisement for a taicher o' gymnastics an wor intended to show ha a woman's form could be developed wi folloin his advice an' takkin lessons off him—"But," aw sed, "dooant yo think its scandalous to have sich a thing exhibited in a public street whear men, wimmen an' childer have to pass?"
"Oh, you see we have none of that false modesty here, that you English people have. The very thing you object to has become one of the sights of Paris and your own countrymen are as anxious to pay it a visit as any others."
"Awm net gooin to say'at my countrymen are better nor yors, but this aw will say,'at if yo consider what yo style their false modesty to be their hypocrisy, aw hooap an' trust they'll continue to be hypocrites an' to breed em as long as th' world lasts: for awd rayther have a chap at tried to appear gooid, even if he isnt, nor one at'll flaunt his brazen sin an wickedness i' yor face!"
It wor a grand relief to sit daan agean ith' cooil o' th' day an' sip a drop o' coffee; (an' ther's noa mistak, they can mak coffee up to th' mark,) ther wor just a gentle breeze an' fowk wor all awther lollin an' takkin ther ease or else hurryin on to th' theatres. It ommost seems as if pleasure wor ther livin, an' to a gurt extent aw suppooas it is. As we'd been up all th' neet befoor we agreed to goa to bed i' gooid time so as to be prepared for th' next day. We strolled along a rayther dark an' narrow street till we coom to a door wi a row o' lamps ovver th' top—fowk wor rollin in, an' bi th' bills we could manage to mak it aght to be a sooart o' Variety Theatre. Havin a bit o' time to spare we went in, an' it reminded me varry mich o' th' same sooart o' places at hooam. It wor pretty well filled an' th' fowk seemed varry weel behaved, tho' some o' th' men's faces wor ugly enough to freeten a child into a fit. Th' band played some grand music, an' it wor a treat to hear "God save the Queen," as a pairt on it. It seemed to have moor meanin nor awd ivver known it to have befoor—Th' singers aw did'nt mak mich on,'ith' furst place ther wor nobbut one on em'at had a voice ony moor musical nor a penny trumpet, an' they shrugged ther shoolders an' twisted ther faces an' stuck ther hands into sich shapes'at they lukt varry mich like tryin to play th' fooil an' had'nt lent ha—One woman,—a strapper shoo wor too—wi a voice as strong as a steam organ, an as sweet—coom on drest to represent Liberty—republican liberty aw mean,—an' shoo shaated an' yell'd an' threw hersen into shapes, an' waved a flag abaat, an' altogether kickt up sich a row,'at th' fowk all began to shaat an' yell an' wave ther caps abaat as if they wor goin wrang i' ther heeads, (if sich heeads can,) an' when shoo'd done they kept up sich a hullaballoo wol shoo coom back agean for a oncoor, but we'd had enough soa we pyked aght as quietly as we could an' wended us way hooam. We bid one another 'gooid neet,' an' wor sooin i' bed, net sooary to know at it ud be Sundy ith' mornin.
