Plain Facts for Old and Young

by John Harvey Kellogg

Both moral and social obligations—if the two obligations may exist independently—forbid marriage to a young man who is scarcely able to provide for himself, much less to support a wife and a family. The theory advocated by some that two can live almost as cheaply as one, so that a saving will be made by a union of two in marriage, is a most fallacious one. There may be occasional exceptions, but in general, young people who marry with this idea in their heads find that they have reasoned not wisely. It will not be disputed that a married couple may live upon what is often spent foolishly by a young man; but a young man can be economical if he will; and if he does not learn economy before marriage, it is likely that he never will learn it.

The marriage of paupers, to beget pauper children and foist them upon the community for support, is an outrage against society. We believe it is not improper to speak out plainly upon this subject, and in no uncertain tone, notwithstanding the popular prejudice which cries, "Hush, be quiet; don't interfere with individual rights, don't disturb the peace of society," whenever anything is said which has a bearing on a regard for propriety in matters relating to one of the most ancient, the most sacred, and the most abused of all divinely appointed human institutions. We have never been able to account for this strange averseness to the consideration of this phase of the matrimonial question, and the determined effort often made to ignore it whenever it is broached. We purpose to speak out, notwithstanding the feeling referred to, since we believe this to be a crying evil; and we have no fears but that we shall have the hearty indorsement of every individual who can so far lay aside his prejudices as to allow his native common sense a fair chance to influence his judgment.

In the country of Iceland, a land which is scarcely more than semi-civilized, if a young man wishes to marry, the first thing to be considered is his pecuniary situation. Before he can take to himself a wife, he must appear before the proper authority and present evidence that he is able to support a wife and family in addition to providing for himself. Even the barbarous natives of Patagonia show an equal degree of good sense, the chief of each tribe requiring that every young man who wishes to marry shall first prove himself competent to provide for a family, having attained the requisite degree of proficiency in hunting and fishing, and having possessed himself of at least two horses and the necessary equipments.

In this country,—a civilized, so-called Christian country, blessed with all the enlightenment of the nineteenth century, what do we see? Instead of any regulation of the sort, the utmost indifference to such clearly important considerations. If young people profess to love each other and wish to marry, no one of their friends thinks of asking, "How are they going to live after they are married? Has the young man a trade? Has the young lady been so educated as to be self-sustaining if necessary? Has the young man a home or the wherewithal to obtain one? Has he a good situation, with prospects of being able to support his wife comfortably and provide for a family?" These, or similar questions are sometimes asked, but little respect is paid to them by any one, least of all by the young people themselves, who ought to be most interested. The minister never inquires respecting the propriety of the wedding at which he is to officiate, and invokes the blessings of Heaven upon a union which, for aught he knows, may be the grossest violation of immutable laws, Heaven-implanted in the constitution of the human race. The friends tender their congratulations and wishes of "much joy," when in three cases out of four the conditions are such that a preponderance of grief is an inevitable certainty, and "much joy" an utter impossibility.

There are exceptions to all general rules; but it is a fact of which almost any one may convince himself that a man or a woman seldom rises much higher than the level reached at marriage. If a young man has no trade then, it is more than probable that he will never be master of one. If he has not fitted himself for a profession, he will most likely never attain to such a rank in society. He will, in all probability, be a common laborer, living "from hand to mouth," with nothing laid by for a rainy day.

A wag says that a young couple just married, and for the first time awakened to the full consciousness of the fact that they must provide for themselves or starve, held the following dialogue: Husband. "Well, wife, what are we going to do? How shall we live?" Wife. "Oh, my dear, we shall get along very well, I am sure; you love me, don't you?" H. "Certainly, dear, but we cannot live on love." W. "We can live on bread and water; so long as we have each other, it doesn't matter much what we have to eat." "That's so, my dear; well, you furnish the bread, and I will skirmish around after the water." This exact dialogue may never have taken place; but the circumstances which might have called it out have occurred thousands of times. How many times has a dependent woman who had hastily married an improvident husband awakened at the end of a short honeymoon to find that she had only a limber stick or a broken reed to lean upon, instead of a self-reliant, independent, self-sustaining man, able to provide for her the comforts of a home and to protect her from the rudeness and suffering of privation and want.

In our estimation it is as much a sin for a man to assume the obligation of caring for a wife and family when he has no reasonable grounds for believing himself able to do so, as for a man to go in debt a few hundreds or thousands of dollars, and agree to pay the same when required, though perfectly well aware that he will probably be unable to do so. Hence we say again, with emphasis, the improvident should not marry; and we shall insist upon urging this truth, notwithstanding the fact that the very class of persons referred to are usually of all classes the most anxious to enter the matrimonial state at the earliest possible moment, and the most certain to bring into the world large families of children still more improvident than themselves.

11. Do not marry a person whose moral character will not bear the closest scrutiny.

By this we do not mean that absolute perfection should be required, as this would interdict marriage altogether; but we wish to warn every young man against marrying a young woman who treats lightly or contemptuously matters which should be treated with profound respect; who uses the name of Deity flippantly or rudely; who treats her parents disrespectfully; who never cares to talk of subjects of a spiritual nature; who is giddy, gay, dressy, thoughtless, fickle. Such a young woman will never make a loving, patient, faithful, helpful wife.

We wish also to warn every young woman against choosing for a husband a man who has a strong leaning toward infidelity; who does not believe in human responsibility; who makes a mock of religion; who is addicted to profanity; who is either grossly intemperate or given to moderate tippling, be it ever so little, so long as he does not believe in and practice total abstinence; who uses tobacco; who is a jockey, a fop, a loafer, a scheming dreamer, or a speculator; who is known to be unchaste, or who has led a licentious life.