"Over the first row is written the title Episcopal. The first capital discovers only a forked nose, lips, and one eye; the rest of the face is eclipsed by the wig's protuberance. The next three etchings are only the hinder parts of heads; by these Mr. Hogarth satirizes the present age for their immoralities, which are so notorious, that three-fifths of the religious orders turn their backs upon us, not being able to behold such wickedness.
"The last visage in the line is marked with true pedantic contempt; the wig's fore-top is like the forked hill of Parnassus, and there is a roll round the forehead, like a MS. scroll; the eyelids are almost closed, which denotes the wise man's wink, or that he can see the world with half an eye. The muscles of the countenance are curled up into disdain, and he seems to say, 'I despise ye, ye illiterati!'
"The immense quantity of grizzle which is wove into the wigs carries a twofold design—for reverence and for warmth. The make of these canonicals evinces the care this order take of themselves, for the sake of those committed to their trust; and the profusion of curls or friz in each denotes the wearer must be most learned, because, as the country folk say, Why should they put a double coat of thatch upon a barn, without there was a greater proportion than ordinary of grain housed therein?
"The next row is inscribed Aldermanic. The first wig has two ends, exactly like the dropsical legs of some over-gorged glutton; and the three-quartered face indicates Plenty, Porter, and Politics. On the brow, domestical significancy is seated; a look necessary to each master who dozes in his arm-chair on the Sunday evening, while his lady reads prayers to the rest of the family. It is a countenance which carries dignity with it even at the upper end of a table at a turtle-eating.
"The second has one lock dependent like a sheep's bushy tail. This man could make speeches, knew the nature of debentures, and was much harassed by cent. per cent. commerce. Many are the sleepless nights he has passed in scheming how to fix, if for only half a day, the fluctuating chances of 'Change Alley.
"The third wig is, as the sailors say, 'all aback.' By the swelling of the full bottom, we have an idea of Magna Charta consequence, and guess that the wearer would say something—if he could but see it.
"The next is parted triangular-wise, to fall each side the shoulders. This design was originally taken from a nutting-stick. Thus one of our finest capitals was delineated from a square tile, a weed, and a basket.
"With all modest conjecture we presume, from our intense application to mathematics, that the semicircular sweep at the end of the last full bottom signifies a gold chain. But as we are Englishmen, and will have nothing to do with chains, we shall hasten to the wigs and chins in the third, entitled 'Lexonical.'
"Great men are always celebrated for great things: Cicero for his wart; Ovid for a nose almost equal to Slawkenbergius'; and this portrait seems to be ushered into notice by the curvature of the chin. How venerably elegant do these Lexonicals appear! Here is indeed law at full length. Special pleadings in the fore-top; declarations, replications, rejoinders, issues, and demurrers in every buckle. The knotty points of practice in the intricacies of the twisted tail, and the depth of the whole wig, emblematically express the length of a Chancery suit, while the black coif behind looks like a blister."
[214] A term peculiarly appropriated to the Court of Common Pleas.