“The wife that manages her husband is a genius, the one that bosses him is a tartar, the one that fights him is a fool, while the one that does none of them is now as much out of fashion as her grandmother’s wedding-gown.”
“The pygmies of Africa are such by nature, but elsewhere they are produced artificially by a diet of petty and envious thoughts.”
“‘Truth is mighty and will prevail,’ but Error generally has the better of it till the seventy-seventh round.”
“One of the greatest evils that humanity has to contend with is that so many icebergs have floated down from the North Pole and persist in passing themselves off for men.”
“Former lovers in making out their title-deeds of the heart to their successors always reserve at least a narrow pathway across a corner.”
“Wise men and fools have foolish thoughts; fools tell them, wise men keep them to themselves.”
“Parents that haven’t time to correct their children when they are small have time to weep over them when they are grown.”
“Affectation (alias of Deceitfulness) has three picked cronies from whom she is seldom separated. Their names are False Pride, Weakmindedness and Bad Temper.”
“If one has too much vitality in his brains he can get rid of it by taking them out and boiling them. If he finds this too much bother, he can accomplish the same result by swallowing a few doses of a decoction of faith-cure, spook-lore and hypnotism[hypnotism].”
“For peace of mind and length of days, put this inscription above the doorway of workshop and home: Troubles that will not be worth worrying over seven years hence are not worth worrying over now.”