When you wish to go Faster or Slower, do not say simply “Faster,” or “Slower,” but say “Four,” “Six,” or “Eight,” according to the number of Miles you wish to be driven in an Hour.
In traversing the main Streets of London, always allow at least five minutes in every half hour for Stoppages.
Desire your Coachman to choose the Pleasantest, rather than the Nearest way. Some inconsiderate charioteers, to save the tenth part of a Mile, will drive you through all the nasty narrow Lanes they can find, as if they were trying to make you sick with foul air. Moreover, such Bye-ways are generally so badly Paved, that you will be longer going over them than on a good road that is a little longer.
Persons who have not an expert Coachman, who has been accustomed to cut his way through Crowded Streets, should desire their Driver to avoid the great Thoroughfares, and to pass along the widest Streets which run parallel to them. This can generally be done without danger by a very young Coachman.
WHEN YOU STOP IN A PUBLIC STREET,
caution your Coachman always to avoid stopping where there is any other Carriage stopping near, either on the same, or on the other side of the way; and when he can, to choose the widest part of the Street, and to draw up his Fore Wheels close to the Curb, and his Hinder Wheels quite square with them. Most of the Accidents which happen to Carriages, while stopping in Crowded Streets, are owing to want of attention to this situation of the Hinder Wheels.
Whenever you get out of your Carriage, Always Shut the Door. If you only stop Two Minutes, it may be necessary for the Coachman to move from his station to prevent injury from other Carriages; and if the Door is open it will swing about, and the Hinges will be strained, and the Pannels may also get a violent blow against a Post, &c.
Never keep your Carriage standing in a great Thoroughfare, through which crowds of Coaches, Carts, &c. are passing; in so doing, you are a source of great inconvenience to others, by occasioning stoppages; and your own Pannels are every moment in danger of being defaced, &c., which cannot be repaired without fresh Painting the whole of the Body: this tedious process will deprive you of the use of your Carriage for at least Three Weeks; therefore, let it wait for you round the corner of some quiet neighbouring Street.
Remember the judicious Advice given by that arch adept in “the Art of Shopping,” Lady Betty Buybargain, to her Niece, Miss K. Cutadash. The fair Kitty was ever and anon irritably anxious to be whirled to the Door of every “Magazin des Modes” that her caprice called her to, in her Aunt’s shewy Carriage; saying, “I assure you, that if you go in your Carriage, my Dear Aunt, the people are infinitely politer than they are to their Walking Customers.” “Aye! Aye!” replied the discreet Dowager, “what you say may be True enough, Dear, and their Politeness would be pleasant enough, Love, If, as my poor dear Sir Benjamin Buybargain always used to say, If they did’nt Book it, Kitty!—but they charge for it, my Child; they charge for it, Dear!—as Sir Benjamin used to say, ‘they put those Bows down in Their Bills!!!’”
However, there is nothing in which more People are more extremely mistaken, than in the general idea that keeping a Carriage always is (as it ought to be) infallible evidence of superfluous Wealth. Many pompous persons, in order to provide the means of indulging in this expensive Luxury, are miserably penurious in all other matters; and many Fine Liveries, &c. have been purchased with the Money that ought to have been spent in Food, Fire, &c.; and to cut a dash at Vanity Fair, and keep up an external glitter, the Comfort of Home is entirely sacrificed:—as Sir Spendthrift says, “They must have a Carriage, if they are obliged to save it a Thousand ways.”