"Who are you anyhow?" he asked. "What right have you to ask me such impident questions as, What have I got in this bag?"
"Well in private life my name's Maginnis," said the official, "but down here on this dock I'm Uncle Sam, otherwise the United States of America, that's who."
The Unwiseman threw his head back and roared with laughter.
"I do not mean to be rude, my dear Mr. Maginnis," he said, "but I really must say Tutt, Tush, Pshaw and Pooh. I may even go so far as to say Pooh-pooh—which is twice as scornful as just plain pooh. You Uncle Sam? You must think I'm as green as apples if you think I'll believe that."
"It is true nevertheless," said the official sternly, "and unless you hand over that bag at once——"
"Well I know better," said the Unwiseman angrily. "Uncle Sam has a red goatee and you've got nothing but a shiny black moustache that looks like a pair of comic eyebrows that have slipped and slid down over your nose. Uncle Sam wears a blue swallow-tail coat with brass buttons on it, and a pair of red and white striped trousers like a peppermint stick, and you've got nothin' but an old pea-jacket and blue flannel pants on, and as for the hat, Uncle Sam wears a yellow beaver with fur on it like a coon-cat, while that thing of yours looks like a last summer's yachtin' cap spruced up with brass. You're a very smart man, Mr. Maginnis, but you can't fool an old traveller like me. I've been to Europe, I have, and I guess I know the difference between a fire-engine and a clothes horse. Uncle Sam indeed!"
"I must inspect the contents of that bag," said the official firmly. "If you resist it will be confiscated."
"I don't know what confiscated means," returned the Unwiseman valiantly, "but any man who goes through this bag of mine goes through me first. I'm sittin' on the lock, Mr. Maginnis, and I don't intend to move—no, not if you try to blast me away. A man's carpet-bag is his castle and don't you forget it."
"What's the matter here?" demanded a policeman, who had overheard the last part of this little quarrel.