"I AM TOO OLD A SPANIARD TO BE CAUGHT LIKE THAT"
"Señorita," he cried, "fear not for Weyler. Think you that I do not know America! Ha—ha! I know its every inch. And let me tell you this: it is because I have devoted hour after hour, day after day, night after night, to the study of the United States, and, best of all, they do not suspect it over there. Why? Because of my strategy! When I wished to learn where was situated the city of Ohio did I send to New York for a map? Not I. I knew that if I bought a map in New York, the house of which I bought it would advertise me as one of their patrons. I am too old a Spaniard to be caught like that." Here his voice sank to a whisper, and, leaning forward, he added, impressively: "I sent for a railway time-table. Figures express to my mind what lines or maps could not express to others. What did I learn from the New York Central time-table, for instance? This: Ohio is twelve hours from New York. Good, say you—but what does that mean? Travelling at the rate of four miles an hour, Ohio is just forty-eight miles from New York city! Forty-eight miles! Pah! By forced marches our troops could cover that in ten days."
The General snapped his fingers.
"But why Ohio, General?" I asked.
"The most important city in the American Union," he replied. "Ohio captured, we have the home of McKinley. Ohio captured, we have captured eighty per cent. of the Yankees' public officials. Your Minister of State comes from there; all the vocal powers of the Senate; all their political resource. Ah!" he cried, ecstatically, rubbing his hands together, "they little know me! Let them destroy our navy. Let them take the Philippines. Let them blockade Cuba. Let them do what they please. Spain will wait. Spain will wait a day, a week, a month, a year, a decade, a century—but when least expected, a new fleet, built secretly, a new army, recruiting now on the D. Q." (this is a translation) "will dash into New York Harbor, up the Missouri River, through the Raritan Canal, and Ohio will lie at our mercy."
"And then?" said I, overwhelmed.
"We'll hold Ohio until the pig gives back the Philippines and Cuba," said the General, suavely.
"Now, General," said I, pursing my lips, "your plan is a mighty good one, and I hope you'll try to put it through. But let me tell you one thing—your time-tables have misled you. In the first place, any part of Ohio worth talking of is eighteen hours from New York by rail, not twelve. New York Harbor is mined all the way from Fortress Monroe to the Golden Gate; and you can't get to Ohio by a dash up the Missouri River and the Raritan Canal, because those two waterways above Los Angeles are not navigable. It is very evident that you, in studying a railroad map, have forgotten that they are designed to advertise railroads, and have no geographical significance whatsoever."
"Are you sure?" he asked.
"Perfectly," said I. "I have lived in the country, as I have told you, for three years, and I know what I am talking about."