The Bicyclers and Three Other Farces

by John Kendrick Bangs

Mrs. Bradley (aside). Foiled! Muddleton will be exposed. Ah, if I could only have broken the force of the blow! (Aloud.) Lady Ellen, I will speak. Fenderson Featherhead—

Enter Bradley and Barlow together. Both. Is here, Lady Amaranth.

[Each tries to motion the other off the stage.

Yardsley. What the deuce does this mean? What do you think this play is—an Uncle Tom combination with two Topsys?

Barlow. I told him to keep out, but he said that Fenderson Featherhead was his cue.

Bradley (indignantly). Well, so it is; there’s the book.

Yardsley. Oh, nonsense, Brad! Don’t be idiotic. The book doesn’t say anything of the sort.

Bradley. But I say it does. If you—

Barlow. It’s all rot for you to behave like this, Bradley.

Perkins. Isn’t it time something happened to the curtain? The audience will get panicky if they witness any such lack of harmony as this. I will draw a veil over the painful scene. B-r-r-r-r. (Drops curtain.) B-r-r-r-r.