FROM

"MR. BARNES OF NEW YORK"

CONTENTS

I.[By Way of Introduction]
II.[A Little Dinner to Some Old Friends]
III.[In the Library]
IV.[As to a Small Dinner]
V.[On the Maintenance of An Attic]
VI.[The Idiot's Garden]
VII.[Household Poetry]
VIII.[Some Consideration of the Hired Man]
IX.[On Social Accounts]
X.[As to Santa Claus]
XI.[As to New-Year's Day]
XII.[Some Domestic Intentions]
XIII.[A Suburban Complication]
XIV.[Some Consideration of the Moth]
XV.[Some Consideration of the Burglar]
XVI.[Conclusion]

[ILLUSTRATIONS]

["POSSESSED A LIBRARY OF FIRST EDITIONS"]
["'THEY NEVER HAD THE FUN OF BUYING THEM'"]
["'GUARANTEED TO HANG ONTO A GARMENT IN A GALE'"]
["'AND SOME PEOPLE SAY WAGNER IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT'"]
["TOMMY AND MOLLIE GAVE THE COOK A GREAT DEAL OF TROUBLE"]
["'LET THE FATHERS LOOK AFTER THE CHILDREN AT NIGHT'"]
["A LITTLE FIGURE CLAD IN WHITE"]
["'I'D RATHER BE SPANKED THAN NOT NOTICED AT ALL'"]
["'I DID NOT SMOKE UNTIL I WAS FIFTY'"]
["'SMOKING KEEPS INSECTS FROM THE PLANTS'"]
["THE BIBLIOMANIAC WAS INVESTIGATING THE CONTENTS OF THE LOWER SHELVES"]
["'I PREFERRED TO PAY THE $49.50'"]
["THE COOK HAD TAKEN WINGS ONTO HERSELF"]
["'TWO BIG BOXES OF POTATOES, A CAN OF FRENCH PEASE, AND A BOTTLE OF SARSAPARILLA'"]
["'THE PEOPLE DOWN-STAIRS BORROWED OUR DINING-ROOM CHAIRS'"]
["'WHO WAS IT?' ASKED MRS. IDIOT"]
["'I SET OFF A GIANT CRACKER UNDER HIS CHAIR'"]
["'WOULD HANG THAT PORTRAIT UPON THE WALL OF MY BEDROOM'"]
["'STARTED TO PREACH WITH THE RECIPE FOR A WASHINGTON PIE'"]
["'A LITTLE BUNDLE OF MY OWN LETTERS'"]
["'WE SPRINKLED IT IN PERSON'"]
["'HE DISCOVERED THE ONE PERFECT STALK'"]
["'IT WOULD DE DEUCEDLY AWKWARD ... IF THEY WOULD EXPLODE IN THE MOUTH OF THE PERSON WHO WAS EATING THEM'"]
["SHE COULD SLAM THEM DOWN ON THE HEARTH-STONES LIKE TORPEDOES'"]
["'THE JOYS AND WOES OF THE TOILERS WHO MINED IT'"]
["'FOR THOUGH I'M BUT A CARPET-TACK,'" ETC.]
["'I SHOULD HESITATE TO TRY TO DRIVE A CANAL-BOAT'"]
["'I HAVEN'T EVER HAD A HOME; I'VE ALWAYS BOARDED'"]
["'I FEEL THAT I COULD GO OUT AND MOW THREE ACRES OF GRASS'"]
["'HE WOULD GO OUT DAY AFTER DAY AND SIT DOWN BESIDE IT'"]
["'HE SHOVELS OFF A FOOT-PATH'"]
["'SPEND A WHOLE DAY ON ONE WINDOW'"]
["'WELL, I'M FOND OF GOLF'"]
["'AN ANTHROPOLOGICAL TEA'"]
["'THE BABY IS ROCKED TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT'"]
["'POOR DICK DAWKINS ISN'T TAKEN CARE OF AT ALL'"]
["'DR. PREACHLY ONLY GOT EIGHT PAIRS LAST XMAS'"]
["'A CHINA DOLL TO THE DAUGHTER OF A CARPENTER'"]
["'HULLO, SONNY! HAD A GOOD TIME?'"]
["'I GAVE MY DOLLY AWAY TO-DAY'"]
["'I DON'T QUITE CATCH YOUR DRIFT'"]
["'I FELT AS IF I HAD SWALLOWED AN OVERSHOE'"]
["'I FOUND EIGHT SANDWICHES AND A PINT OF SALTED ALMONDS'"]
["'THEY WERE FOUND SOME DAYS LATER WHEN THE ROOM WAS PUT IN ORDER'"]
["'THERE'S NOT MUCH MONEY IN STOCKS'"]
["'A NICE LITTLE BASKET-HAT ON HER HEAD TO HOLD THE PINS IN'"]
["'AN ELECTRIC NOTICE TO QUIT'"]
[FINDING OUT WHAT IS BEING COOKED FOR DINNER]
["'COURTING HIS BEST GIRL ON SOME OTHER FELLOW'S STONE WALL'"]
["'HOLDING UP A GREAT OSAGE ORANGE'"]
["'THE PICTURE OF A HEART WITH AN ARROW DRAWN THROUGH IT'"]
["'IT TOOK MY HIRED MAN TWO WEEKS TO SCRUB IT OUT'"]
["'AN UNPAID GROCER'S BILL BECOMES AN ABSOLUTE PLEASURE'"]
["'THE LION, THE ELEPHANT, THE TIGER, ALL HAVE THEIR WORK TO DO'"]
["'THEY EAT UP MY NEW CLOTHES'"]
["'WASTED MY ENERGY UPON THE UNRESPONSIVE AIR'"]

[I]